"My daddy's lost"
"You know your son sort of had a bad day today," my wife said over the phone. It was late at night in her time zone and the kids were asleep.
"Oh yah?" I replied.
"Well, not really a bad day I guess, but he was talking about you a lot in day care," she replied.
"Yah?"
"Yah. I guess he kept saying, 'My daddy's on the airplane' and the day-care workers would ask, 'But where did he 'go' on the airplane? Where did he go?' Then he said, 'He's on the helicopter' and so they said, 'yes, but where is he now? Where is your daddy?' So then he said, 'My daddy's lost.'"
My wife told me she tried to explain to him that his daddy wasn't lost, that I was in the Army and that I had a very important job helping the soldiers. "Daddy isn't lost," she told him.
She didn't ask me what I was thinking. If she had, I would have said that I was wondering if he might be right.
Comments
God knows where you are, Mr. Leonard. He has not forsaken you. Hang in.
Posted by: Kate | May 10, 2007 6:24 AM
This is probably one of the most dispiriting pieces you've ever published, CPT Leonard.
I know what you do takes a toll. But I've seen your strength in some of your writing, and I know you're properly motivated - your compassion shows in your dialog descriptions. You've been there about six months now, and should be drawing up on your mid-deployment leave soon.
The thought of seeing my wife in Hawaii kept me sane for three months. Even those precious five days were enough to carry me through.
Posted by: Lurch | May 11, 2007 12:01 PM
I must commend you on some of the most passionate writing coming out of Iraq. Have you come under any recent pressure to "self censor" your writing? I hope not. God speed!
Shalom,
Bro. Bartleby
Posted by: Bro. Bartleby | May 12, 2007 1:09 AM
I've never been in the army or sent away from home but I try to put myself mentally in such a position. I am sure that I don't come close to the actual experience, but even in my imagination it feels lonely. Hang in there, you and your buddies are thought of!
Posted by: Dan | May 12, 2007 6:12 PM
Any reason the post before this was removed? I may be hallucinating...
Posted by: Art | May 16, 2007 2:26 AM
I have a three-year old boy of my own that I fortunately only have to leave for a day or two at a time.
What you wrote, cuts.
Nothing anyone (anyone apart from your family, anyway) is going to say is going to make it feel better. But thanks for doing the job for us. I don't know if you feeling "lost" is a reference to the war, but I appreciate you doing the job no matter what the outcome. So does my family.
Posted by: Pete | May 16, 2007 3:29 AM
I have heard on the news that the military is no longer permitting service personnel to blog about anything.
Has this been your final posting???
Posted by: bill (in washington dc) | May 17, 2007 2:33 AM
I think you need a butterfly kit!
Posted by: D. Curtis | May 18, 2007 1:32 AM
Thanks for all of the comments and support. (Good days and bad days, I suppose.) I have been here since September now so I am further along than some of you may have realized. I left home in July and I took leave in December. But I can see the light at the end of my tunnel. Though, as I said, some days are better than others.
Recently I was away from Mahmudiyah for a period far longer than usual, partly due to the recent events in my AO. That, as well as an extended communication blackout, prevented me from accessing the web. I do feel bad about any worry that may have caused my family and friends.
I will be submitting new entries over the next few weeks with the goal of 50 total entries. This one was number 42. The 50th entry will be my final posting.
Thanks Everyone,
Jeff
Posted by: Jeff Leonard | May 21, 2007 12:09 PM
I have been a faithful reader since your first post. You have written with such honesty and courage that it has helped those of us with loved ones in Iraq. Sometimes it's hard to read, but you write the truth and that's what counts. I'm glad you have that light at the end of the tunnel. Thanks so much for all you do.
Posted by: Diane K | May 22, 2007 4:57 AM
Good Captain - one thing that was tough for me when my kids were little was the look of non-recognition when they'd first see me when I'd return from one of our three month rotations.
I mention this to you because as one (retired) GI to another, you'll probably experience it, too, when you get home. The good news that a little quality daddy time will get them (and you) past that in a big hurry.
Lastly, thank you maintaining this blog and I hope you're archiving your work some where. Think in terms of publishing it.
Posted by: Mike | May 24, 2007 7:11 PM
will another writer be continuing on with this blog?
Posted by: bill (in washington dc) | May 25, 2007 5:06 PM