I laughed out loud and took out my camera to take a picture of the sign.

"This is fucked up!" Maj. Johns groaned. "I'm supposed to be at Balad, damn it!"

"You're a soldier now, sir," I teased. "You just need to accept it. Accept it and be proud." I turned toward him as I spoke and smiled, unable to hide the solid satisfaction I found in his displeasure.

"No, I'm not. Damn it! I'm not supposed to be way the fuck out here with you people," he said, and smiled back at me.

I returned a stiff-lipped grin and nodded with only mildly restrained pleasure.

"You suck, Leonard," he said.

I kept smiling as we went into the tent and then, systematically, we tipped the green drink dispensers labeled coffee only to find them all empty.

"Not so goddamned amused now, are you Capt. Leonard?" he poked.

"Damn it!" I shouted, and then laughed. "Don't worry. We can make instant with the heater packs in the MREs."

We went into the supply tent next to the mess tent and pilfered through all of the boxes until we found the MREs.

"Chicken with salsa, no; chili, no. Here we go, omelet with ham. Sounds like a good breakfast to me," I said. I grabbed the MRE and headed back into the mess tent, tore the package open and began spreading the contents out on the table. "Spiced Cider?! Are you fucking kidding me? The one MRE that has a breakfast food in it doesn't come with instant coffee?! What kind of communist decided on that?!"

Maj. Johns laughed and pulled out his instant coffee packet with a smug smile. "Mine has one."

"Yes, sir, I see that," I replied, with dramatized irritation. "I'm going back."

This time I returned with the chicken with salsa. I opened the package, and again, spread the contents out on the table. "Damn it! You're kidding me!" I stood up again.

The major laughed. "You're not going to open another one just for the coffee are you?"

"You're damn right I am. Who's gonna say anything? You and I are the highest ranking people out here right now and I want my damn coffee!"

"That's it, Capt. Leonard, take advantage of your rank."

"You're damn right I will," I replied, and walked out. This time I returned with two MREs. The major laughed at me when I entered, seeing that I now had, not one, but two more. I sat down and tore open what was now my third MRE. The plastic table was now covered with the contents of a total of four MREs between the two of us. "Finally!" I exclaimed, pulling out the little red packet. "Perseverance, my airman friend, that's what soldiering is all about. Perseverance through adversity."

"Yeah, right," he replied, shaking his head. "Army of one, right?"

"That's right, sir. You're catching on."

We heated the little bags of water using the heater packs in the MREs and while the water was heating I ate two bites of the omelet with ham, gagged, and threw it in the trash, finally settling on a partially desiccated poppy seed cake and some trail mix.

"Oh shit, look at that," I said to Maj. Johns, and tipped my chin up toward a large gray spider attached to the side of the tent next to where we sat.

"Oh shit. Is that a camel spider?" He at first leaned back and cringed but then leaned in and squinted through his glasses, looking closer at the spider, which I surmised was probably a small one, relatively speaking. It was gray with very long legs and, overall, it was roughly the diameter of an average coffee mug.

"Yah, I think so," I answered, wrinkling my nose at it in disgust.

The spider didn't move as we leaned in for closer looks and then took turns taking pictures of it. As we made our instant coffee and then finished our breakfasts we continued to sit next to the spider and about every 10 seconds or so, I reconfirmed that it had still not moved. It never did, and, in fact, remained in the same spot throughout the day, allowing us to show other soldiers our discovery in the afternoon after we had returned from our mission. They took pictures too.