Chow hall
This morning I saw something at the chow hall that left me ruffled and angry. Everyone has their buttons and I am no exception. Some of mine include people who ask questions and then turn away indifferently as you answer, people coughing in my food, and blatant displays of disrespect. Of course disrespect can play out in many forms. In the military, disrespect often carries a connotation of a disregard for formalities, the rules, the system. That's not what I am getting at here. Chalk it up to my having been raised with my sister by a single mother, or maybe I saw too many westerns as a child, but I can't stand watching a woman be harassed.
We have this young private, let's call her Private Vince. She is attractive, and she works in the chow hall. So by nature of her occupation, she is highly visible. Now, one should understand that on these FOBs in Iraq we have civilian workers from many different countries and we also have many 'Iraqi nationals'. Now I don't want to get into a culture-bashing session here, but Arab men do tend to view and treat women differently than Western men.
As I sat at the table watching the news, I heard Private Vince's voice saying, "No, No. Go away." She is a loud and animated character with a quick Southern accent so it is not uncommon to hear her voice above others usually throwing some sarcastic comment. But she sounded a little more serious than usual. It immediately got my attention so I turned in my seat. The Iraqi 'gentleman' (I am using this term generously) had stopped by the toaster behind my chair and watched Private Vince as she walked across the room and sat down alone with her breakfast. She noticed me watching them and I wanted her to. She made eye contact with me and then looked back at him and said, "No. No," sort of like how a master would speak to a dog. I turned to look at him and he was now using his hand to blow her kisses. Then he walked over to her and stood over her as she sat. "No! Go away. Married. I am married. See?" she said as she showed him the ring. "See?!" She periodically turned her gaze past him to me as I glared at the interaction. Then she turned her head down to her tray and eventually he left. I turned back to my breakfast and continued eating.
Inside my blood was steaming and it was hard to hide it on my face. But I didn't want to overreact, especially if she felt she had things under control. She is an adult and a soldier and maybe she feels she could handle herself.
Before I left, I got up to refill my coffee and as I walked back, she and I passed each other in the narrow passage connecting the two rooms. Our eyes met intensely but no words were exchanged. Moments like these are amazing to me. Not a word spoken, but yet we spoke.
In truth, what was said without speaking is not actually clear. Was she saying, "Why didn't you help me, sir?" or was she saying, "Please don't think bad of me. It's not my fault." And that is the thought that makes me the angriest, the idea that a man could harass a woman, and she would feel somehow cheapened by it, as if it were any reflection of her own character. One thing is certain; I will speak to her directly about it later today. I refuse to turn away from things like this and I refuse to let her feel cheap or alone.
Comments
Expectations must be very hard to manage across the cultural and social divides. Do you think it is the lack of veiling that sparked his persistent interest, or was it simple entitlement?
Posted by: ScottM | January 12, 2007 7:09 PM
ScottM,
I am not sure whether it would be the lack of veiling or a sense of entitlement. My suspicion is that it is both, as well as a misunderstanding about Western women that they are all promiscuous. However, he is one of many Iraqi nationals who see this female every day and while they have exercised restraint, he chose not to. Culture aside, there are men who approach women with a sense of entitlement in every culture. The bottom line for me is, not as long as I am in any kind of leadership position, and regardless of that, not on my watch.
Posted by: Jeff Leonard | January 16, 2007 3:23 AM
It's good to see that chivalry is alive and well in one of the most male chauvinistic places on the planet. I salute you sir, Your are a gentlemen's gentlemen.
Posted by: Frank | January 17, 2007 8:56 PM