If you're the kind of person who spends any part of the day trying to do the right thing, be a good person, follow the rules and do unto others, I'm here to tell you to stop it immediately. That's right -- give it up right now because you're never going to get anywhere with that kind of positive behavior. Bleak? Maybe. But consider this:
Someone please give Jessica Alba a job. She wants to be a serious actress? Fine -- yank Keira Knightley out of whatever corset movie she's in this week and give it to Jessica so that she stops this.
No new "Office" tonight means I have to leave the house for entertainment
Bad news, guys: due to the vice presidential debates, there will be no new episode of "The Office" on tonight. Although I know that watching Governor Sarah Palin try to speak words out loud is easily as entertaining as watching a full episode of my favorite comedy, I am taking the opportunity to go out and enjoy tonight's cooler weather during Art Hop/Arc Hop. We at the Beehive suggest you do the same.
Until next week's new episode, you can head over to Entertainment Weekly's site and enjoy a countdown of Jim Halpert's Best Office Pranks... or not. As fun as it is to reminisce about "Office" episodes of yore, EW, which has a knack for sucking the life out of beloved pop culture moments, has carefully explained each prank in great detail, rendering them all completely unfunny. And anyone who considers herself a true "Office" fan will remember what Jim Halpert himself told us in season two's "Conflict Resolution":
"You know, these actually don't sound that funny, one after another."
Right again, Jim Halpert. See you next week, fictional soulmate!
This season has been the most lackluster season of "Project Runway" I've seen since I started watching the show -- the most boring designers (don't try to tell me Emily, Jennifer and Leanne are three different people because I won't believe you) designing the most ridiculous, straight-out-of-Home Ec designs during the most half-assed challenges (design a dress based on a pretty flower -- come on!).
Last night's episode was truly the pinnacle of suck, though. With their lack of creativity and inability to sew under pressure, the final four designers competing to show at Bryant Park would never have made it this far in previous seasons. How many times did we see each designer fall into a giant puddle of tears last night? I mean, third season designers Laura and Jeffrey would have sent Kenley and Leanne home crying by now.
Oh, and can we talk about Kenley for a second? Hate her. Hate. That honking goose voice, the stupid hair feathers, and her penchant for choosing fabrics straight out of a Boca Raton retirement home. Did I mention I hate her? Well Heidi Klum does, too.
Celebrities practice their sarcasm, say bad words so you'll vote
Those clever celebrities and their reverse psychology! In the longest video ever made, Really Famous People shame you into registering to vote, and then -- I think -- try to get you involved in a pyramid scheme.
Fun fact: You can register to vote while pooping if you have a laptop. NSFW language dead ahead:
I know, I know. Making fun of Britney twice in one day is tacky. I'm willing to pay that price.
What is happening in this picture? Why does it look like she has one hand on a kid's Coke bottle, the other in another kid's front pocket, and if she opens her mouth a bunch of yellow feathers are going to fly out?
Hair, makeup and clothes are much improved, though. Oh, and nothing says "Sex tape? I'd never!" like a well-timed visit with a bunch of poor kids from the Bronx. The Britney Publicity Machine is back on track, y'all.
If anyone understands arrested development, it's Britney Spears
Dude. Did Britney Spears hire the Hot Cops to escort her around New York City? This guy looks like he's about four seconds away from ripping off his Velcro pants.
You know, I really don't give this girl enough credit for being the genius she so clearly is.
David Letterman remembers his racing buddy Paul Newman
Apparently it's not all vitriol and rants with Dave Letterman. Here he is fondly remembering time spent ruining car engines thanks to his friend Paul Newman.
Megan Fox proves Hollywood might -- miiiiight -- be kinda fake
Megan Fox is sex on a stick, we all know that. But the face, the lips, the body -- might not be real, y'all. Take a moment to deal with this.
I know, I know. Those of you with XY sex chromosomes couldn't care less. But for the rest of us, it's nice to know that stunning good looks are always available... for a price.
Heath Ledger's family is selfless, remarkably caring
When Heath Ledger unexpectedly passed away from a prescription drug overdose in January, he left behind an outdated will that did not account for the two-year old daughter he fathered with Michelle Williams.
The will he had in place left everything to his parents and siblings -- at the time it was drawn up (2003), that amount was around 145,000 Australian dollars.
This weekend, Ledger's father announced that the money in Heath's estate -- now estimated at $20 million -- will all go to Mathilda Ledger.
Two really, really good-looking people got married this weekend
Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds were married this weekend in Vancouver, B.C.
The pair have been engaged since May.
Here's the good news: Now that all of the really beautiful people on the planet have finally paired up (first Brad and Angelina, now these two), it's fair game for the rest of us.
Do you hear this, John Krasinski? All the gorgeous women are officially off the market, so you're going to have to settle for a funny one.
T.J. Hooker unhappy with Heather Locklear right now
Heather Locklear, who was released from rehab in July, was arrested yesterday in Santa Barbara on suspicion of driving while under the influence, according to TMZ, who is really, really good at knowing things like this.
Apparently, alcohol has already been ruled out, so I'm guessing it was Twinkies. You know this woman's body hasn't been anywhere near sugar since 1972.
At right is what Heather's mug shot looks like, because I know you were wondering. Notice the 100-yard Twinkie stare: someone just spotted the precinct vending machine.
My brother once told me, "When Paul Newman dies, it's going to be a big deal. He's one of those people that matter." He was right.
Before I go put my well-worn copy of "Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid" into the DVD player, I've put together a collection of some of my favorite pictures and clips from the life and film career of the always charming Paul Newman.
Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid
Paul Newman, 83, died yesterday of cancer at his home in Westport, Connecticut. He is survived by his wife, Joanne Woodward, and five children.
There aren't enough great things to say about a man who shined in so many roles: as an actor, a husband, a father and a humanitarian. He appeared to have everything, but more importantly, he seemed to know he did, and he appreciated the hell out of it.
CNN has a biography of Newman's life here, detailing everything from his getting kicked out of Ohio University for unruly behavior, to his stint in the Navy, to his amazing film career, his interest in racing cars, and of course, his philanthropic efforts.
Sarah Palin makes America sing
