We did not finish last.

Let me just get that out of the way. Fellow Fresno Bee reporter, Anne Dudley Ellis, and I did not suck at Urban Dare. We put our game faces on and became intense Urban Dare warriors, with a great assist from our "lifelines" via cell phones -- Bee reporters Cyndee Fontana and Paula Lloyd. We were determined to make a respectable showing.

Urban Dare is often described as akin to CBS' "Amazing Race," in which teams of two race around the world. Urban Dare, which is held in cities across the country, is like a single-city version held in a single afternoon. There are clues to be solved, physical dares to be completed and photos to be taken. President Kevin Keefe calls it "the race where smarts can beat speed." It's supposed to be fun and exhilarating and challenging. (Oh, and the first place team wins $300.)

Was it all those things? Yes ... but it was also hard, and I can tell you right now -- as I write after finishing the race today -- that my legs feel like lead and my back is slightly sore.

But am I proud of us? As Sarah Palin would say, "You betcha!"

The day started gray and wet, which was not the weather I wanted for the city's first Urban Dare, But, as race time neared, the showers ceased and some sun even poked out. The weather was not going to be one of our obstacles.

I should first explain why Anne and I got in this contest. I've been begging her for years to enter the "Amazing Race" with me. Between her athletic ability and my navigational skills, I think we could do really well on that show. She always demurs. But when Anne heard about Urban Dare, she said we should enter.

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We had no idea what to expect, other than what we saw on the Web site. (I'd also written a story and a blog about the upcoming event.) We asked Cyndee and Paula (two friends of superb intelligence) to be our lifelines because that's allowed in the rules, paid our $90 team entry fee, discussed what we should wear, made sure we had extra batteries for Anne's camera, checked our cell phones, and got a FAX bus map (you can only travel by foot or public transportation) and a city map.

Oh, and we needed a name. We came up with "The Firth Girls" in honor of one of Anne's favorite actors, Colin Firth (whom I like, too).

We met up at Saturday's starting point, Eaton Plaza in downtown Fresno, and discovered way more teams than we thought would compete: 24 two-person squads, including us. People were chipper and eager to get going for the noon launch. OK, we were not going to be intimidated. We got our assigned bibs -- my number, 561, would be our ID. We did some stretches because that's what the other teams were doing. We fussed over Anne's bib (should we go with two safety pins or four?). We waited for the start. We pretty much decided we were going to skip the city buses and stick to our own feet.

I saw a man spilling tennis balls by the water tower. Aha! I bet that's got something to do with the race. But, wait, they ask us to move into four marked squares by the small amphitheater space. We had to correctly answer trivia questions to officially get started. The first multiple choice question had to do with where the Hells Angels motorcycle club was started. Each team chose a square that stood for A, B, C. or D. I had no idea of the answer or what square we were in, but I told Anne, "Stay in our square."

Geez, we guessed right! This is where the tennis balls came in. We had to race over there, grab the ball with my bib number on it and show it to a volunteer to get our list of clues for the course. The key is that you don't have to do the clues in order -- you determine the order that you think you can finish them the fastest.

And that's when it got quiet. Each team huddled over the clue sheet for 11 checkpoints plus the final location. Some clues were obvious to us. Get a picture of yourselves with Manny, Moe and Jack (That's the Pep Boys on Broadway.) Find the school named after the Sierra Club founder and get a picture of yourselves with the school logo (We knew that was Muir Elementary.) Find the mural with the sheet music of a famous gospel song by John Newton and snap that picture. (Oh yeah! I recently wrote a story offering a self-guided mural tour in Fresno with fellow Bee Hivers Mike Osegueda and Donald Munro. Knew exactly where to find that one.)

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But other clues? We needed our lifelines. Anne dialed up Cyndee while I called Paula, and they started scouring the Internet and giving us information as we set off to our first checkpoint. And, let me just say here that we jogged or ran most of this course. I haven't added up the miles yet, but Keefe says most teams will cover 5 to 7 miles in the competition. My body feels like we did at least 10.

We headed to the Fulton Mall because we knew the spot we needed to nail down there, the La Grande Laveuse statue (or washer woman statue, as she's known). We rounded up other sites in the downtown area, such as the Liberation Route marker from World War II given to Fresno from the people of Cannes. It's in Courthouse Park, and we had to drop and deliver 20 pushups and then make up our version of the "I don't know but I've been told ..." chant.

A clue about a Saroyan Memorial wasn't the bust at the Saroyan Theatre but a memorial that's also in Courthouse Park. We had to toss contraptions that are two balls connected by a string. We had to get those suckers wrapped around three horizontal bars, from top to bottom. I thought we were never going to get one coiled around that middle bar, but we did.

Another physical challenge almost killed me: A human wheelbarrow dare at a playground at Divisadero and Calaveras. I was the wheelbarrow. And, let me just say, that it seemed like the longest course. I thought my arms were going to collapse, but Anne had a good idea: Think of someone you would want to impress if they were watching! OK, so I yelled out "My husband!...Where's Alan Rickman?!" Anne shouted: "Colin Firth!" We somehow made it to the finish line.

After we finished the checkpoints in downtown Fresno, we started toward Muir Elementary and the Tower District. We had saved these for last because there was a clue for checkpoint No. 2 that was driving us and other teams crazy: "Bruce Lee said show me your _____ Get a picture with two Tower District establishments with this in their name." Our lifelines worked fervently to figure this out. Anne and I called other contacts (my brother, her brother-in-law) to untangle this clue. Was it "leg"? Was it "style"? We were all stumped.

Anne and I decided to take pictures in front of two martial arts studios and two spots that had the word "dragon." At this point, we're sharing one water bottle that Anne had, thank God, stuffed in her backpack. We're hurting but know we just have to find the Mezcal Bar & Grill.

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And this is where we goofed. It's what happens when you think you know where something is, so you don't pay full attention to what your lifeline friends told you. We thought it was on the Fulton Mall. It wasn't. It's on Van Ness. We ran/jogged out of our way and had to lumber our way back, losing time and getting a tad frustrated. "I could just kick myself," Anne said.

We found Mezcal, thinking we must have fallen behind other teams. But we walk in ... and there are only two other teams there! (At least that's what I remember, because at this point I'm parched, my head is starting to feel thick and our legs are shutting down.) But we have to put together a 60-piece puzzle. Anne and I hate puzzles. We frantically pour the pieces on the table and try to fit it back together.

We can hear that another team has walked in, so it's a race of the puzzles ... Where are the edges? What color is that? Does that piece go there? But, wait, the other team shouts, "Done!" They will get one of the silver plaques for the top 3 teams.

We complete our puzzle after them ... But, hey, we finished fourth out of 24 teams! We feel that this is awesome, considering our stumble on the Bruce Lee clue and miscalculating Mezcal's location. We are really happy. I'm pumped! But also looking for a tall glass of cool water.

Our time was 2 hours, 38 minutes and 21 seconds. By the way, the winning team of brothers James and J.K. Lundberg of Fresno smoked the field with an incredible time of 1 hour, 25 minutes and 33 seconds. They must have run everywhere like Olympic athletes.

But, as I said before, I'm proud of how we did. If Urban Dare comes back next year, we may just have to give it another go ... and maybe now I have a better chance of talking Anne into trying for the "Amazing Race."