After seeing “The Dark Knight” and “Hellboy II: The Golden Army” this weekend it seemed very clear that the stars of the upcoming movies would be perfect guests for Dr. Phil. It is not unusual for stars of movies to make the talk show rounds to promote their movie. So why not take advantage of Dr. Phil’s show?

Imagine Dr. Phil opening the show with the announcement, “Today’s guests have what I like to call old-fashioned problems. My first guest is that crimson-skinned star of ‘Hellboy II,’ It is Hellboy himself. Joining him is the trickster of Gotham City. The man with the fashion sense of Prince. Put you hands together for The Joker.”

“Got a light,” growls Hellboy.

“I will start with you Hellboy. I guess I should be saying Heckboy for the youngins who are watching. But darn it, I am just going to say it,” says Dr. Phil. “So Hellboy, you are addicted to candy, television and cigars. You are a big slob. What have you got to say for yourself.”

At first Hellboy ignores the talk show host. Then he gets a twinkle in his eye.

“I will tell you Dr. Pill. When you have horns, a tail and red skin, a few candy bars are the least of my concerns. I was born in the flames of Hell and brought to Earth. What is your excuse?” Hellboy asks. He accents the remark by rubbing the hot end of his cigar into the chair.

Dr. Phil looks angry. A few seconds later he calms down and says, “There is an old saying where I come from. You can take a chicken to the prom but you had better never tie your shoes before dawn. I think you know what I mean.”

“If you are trying to say that you are a nut, then yes I understand you,” Hellboy growls back.

“Let me make it simple for you. GET OVER IT! Now Mr. Joker, you are a ruthless killer, a man without mercy, a psychopath and would not hesitate to end by life in a blink. Is that so?,” Dr. Phil asks.

The Joker casts a killer stare at Dr. Phil. Then he offers a long laugh. Finally he leans in toward Dr. Phil and in an ominous voice says, “I’ll bet that scares the living daylights out of you.”

Dr. Phil lets out an even bigger laugh. He leans into The Joker and says, “Listen. I have gone toe-to-toe with Oprah. After that, you are a lightweight.”