Five reasons I should announce Bret Michaels at the Fresno Fair
In case you missed the Greatest News Ever, Mr. Bret "Rock of Love" Michaels will be taking the stage at the Big Fresno Fair this October. You may or may not recall that last year the Beehive's own Mike Osegueda announced Daughtry when he (they? Is that a band or a guy? I have no clue) took the stage.
Knowing that a Bret Michaels/Heather McLane match up would be the most explosive thing to hit Fresno ever, I am starting my campaign early to be the one to announce Bret Michaels as he takes the stage October 13th at the Paul Paul Theater.
Here are five reasons why this should happen:
1. I am a woman, and as two seasons of "Rock of Love" have proven, Bret Michaels likes women. A lot.
2. I love the crap out of "Rock of Love" and am not ashamed to admit it openly, as I am doing now on this very public blog.
3. I once slow danced – alone – to "Every Rose Has its Thorn" at a party in junior high. Slow dancing alone to a Poison song – that's commitment. 
4. If chosen to do this, I will make every effort to locate and wear a pair of clear heels, favored by both strippers, and, naturally, "Rock of Love" contestants.
5. While on stage, I will try my best to bitchslap one or more "Rock of Love" contestants. It was announced that Bret has broken up with "Rock of Love" um... winner... Ambre, setting the stage for a "Rock of Love 3" that will find Bret hauling his new batch of love wannabes across the country with him on tour. Will the ladies come to Fresno with Bret? Who knows, but I am practicing my hair pulling just in case.
I need your support on this, Fresno, and by support I mean COMMENTS.
If we make a big enough deal about this, maybe the Bee will hear it and make it happen. Believe me, Fresno, I'm not just doing this for me, I'm doing it for us. Okay, mostly just for me. I sooo want to meet Bret Michaels. Come on!
Comments:
Hey my girlfriend has a pair of clear heels. She's not a stripper.
And I'd pay good money to see Hmac kick any rock of love skank ass.
Posted by: Michael at July 16, 2008 2:45 PM
Having someone in clear heels introduce him is probably in Bret's rider. Better you than me.
Posted by: Mike Oz at July 16, 2008 2:46 PM
How can I not support you on this one? the clear stripper heels alone are reason enough to back you up!
Posted by: MsJoey at July 16, 2008 2:49 PM
I second the motion! If only to see you in the clear heels. Hopefully you won't pull a "Miss America."
Posted by: Tiffany at July 16, 2008 2:53 PM
Please consider wearing the lucite heels with your junior high solo dance outfit! With a single rose in your hair. Also tell that story to Bret Michaels on stage when you introduce him. Also, maybe you should make him a valentine and give it to him on stage! Oh gosh. I love it.
Posted by: Aurora at July 16, 2008 2:55 PM
Dear Fresno Bee Honchos,
I might consider restarting my subscription if you ALLOW Hmac to announce Mr. Brett Michaels. Also, my home page is currently the NY Times but I might be persuaded to change it.
Your prompt action on this matter would be much appreciated.
Sincerely,
Ryan Townsend
Proud Fresnan
Posted by: Ryan at July 16, 2008 3:10 PM
DEFINITELY!! HMAC should introduce/announce Bret Michaels at the Fresno Fair. Not only would she do an AWESOME job, but definitely look HOTT doing it (announcing...lol get your minds out of the gutter) in clear heels. WOO HOO!!
Posted by: Sonia at July 16, 2008 3:31 PM
I'm sorry, Heather, you are far too naturally beautiful to get that close to Bret. I think it's been so long since he's seen what unmarred beauty looks like, he could have a heart attack right on the stage.
Posted by: YesterGoth at July 16, 2008 3:37 PM
yes.
yes.
yes.
because clear heels may be enough to get the fresno blogosphere to actually attend bret michaels.
maybe you can even sing a few bars of every rose as he comes on stage.
Posted by: ed at July 16, 2008 3:38 PM
Scoopy....make it happen!
Posted by: brodiemash at July 16, 2008 4:01 PM
yestergoth may be onto something. you definitely aren't as skanky as the "ladies" on his show have been. he probably wouldn't recognize you as the same species, even with clear heels on.
Posted by: ed at July 16, 2008 4:47 PM
I had sex with HMAC and she is Bretts style. I also had sex with Brett Michaels too. It would be a perfect fit they both cry after sex then....this the weird part sing the jingle "What would you for a Klondike Bar"
Posted by: JOHNNY BLU BALLZ at July 16, 2008 5:47 PM
I'd love to see some bitchslappin', especially one of those "Rock of Love" contestants. You've got my vote!
Posted by: BJeffrey at July 16, 2008 6:14 PM
Wouldn't Heather's prom date William get jealous and sweep Bret's leg?
Posted by: The Fresnan at July 16, 2008 6:34 PM
Don't ever give me sh** again for watching Real World.
Posted by: Brian at July 16, 2008 8:13 PM
I was going to give my props until I read #3. Nah, Fresno Bee-make HMac's dreams come true!
Posted by: Jason at July 16, 2008 8:26 PM
Oh I would pay money to see you in clear heels!
Posted by: Rach at July 16, 2008 8:32 PM
Five Reasons Why I Think Heather Should Introduce Bret...
1. Heather is my favorite person in Fresno, besides Mike Oz.
2. Nobody can pull off a pair of clear heels better than HMac.
3. Bret needs to see what kind of hot women Fresno has to offer.
4. Heather is awesome.
5. If Bret tries to cop a feel, Heather could beat him down in less than 5 seconds.
Go HMac!
Posted by: Missy T at July 16, 2008 8:38 PM
Oh yeah...one more thing!
Heather is single and so is Bret. Could there be a love connection? Even if it is for only an hour?
Posted by: Missy T at July 16, 2008 8:39 PM
Thanks for the support, everyone!
I may have to get a pair of clear heels even if I don't do the Bret Michaels thing.
Posted by: Heather at July 16, 2008 8:44 PM
Even Central Valley moms agree...H-Mac should introduce Bret.
Posted by: Clare Frederick at July 16, 2008 10:34 PM
Five reasons HMac should NOT introduce Bret Michaels:
1. Bret will get VERY upset that Heather out-drank him pre-show.
2. A sullen Bret will quit his show early, upset as he is over losing the staredown to HMac's broseph.
3. Bret will want to keep HMac to himself (as would any man), and she'll be sharing herself with a packed house at the Paul-Paul theatre.
4. Autograph hounds post-show will swarm Heather and her heels, not Bret and his botox.
5. By that time, Heather will have sworn her undying love and devotion to me, and a fight 'tween I and Bret over Heather will just get ugly.
Posted by: Stephen at July 17, 2008 2:04 AM
Missy T ... an hour? You really have to take into consideration all the things Bret Michaels has done to his body and others people body (I just vommited a little) over the years ... 15 minutes tops.
In my opinion Bret and Fresno have a fever, and the only perscription is more Heather.
Posted by: Matt at July 17, 2008 5:16 AM
If anything, the Bee should have a "Rock of Love" style competition to determine who gets to introduce Bret Michaels. I would totally root for you.
Posted by: Cristobal at July 17, 2008 9:07 AM
When Bret sets his eyes on HMAC for the first time looking mighty fine wearing her finest and clear plastic SEXY heels he'll most DEFINITELY fall, on stage...lol, head over heels (pardon the pun) for her. It's because not only will he be blinded by her overall beauty, but by her BRAINS as well. When he hears her speak for the first time he'll realize what We faithful beehive readers already know about HMAC. She has a fine and creative ability to articulate a sentence unlike some of the other wenches who no doubt may be there with him that evening. Let's hope NOT!! You GO HMAC!! =)
Posted by: Sonia at July 17, 2008 1:44 PM
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