Editor's note: This is the first in a series of five entries -- one for each question. These could quite possibly be the five longest Beehive entries ever. Sorry. Also, there's some profanity.

On May 26, Stephen Mintz posted a question on MindHub. It was in response to one of Eric Field's epic posts about (who knows what -- this time gay marriage):

"But 5700 words in reply to a mindhub post of about 250 words?? Good God, Man.? I would like to hear from other hubbers...do YOU take the time to read what Eric writes??"

Stephen asked for it, and he got it. In the next few days, a slew of posters took him up on his question and came to Eric's defense. Here are some of the comments:

"I look forward to posts from EField. They insightful, fun to read and entertaining."

"I generally do take the time to read what Eric writes ... and I appreciate the effort that went into it. Thank you, Eric, and AMEN!"

"With hope, if he ever moves away Eric will continue to post. Mindhub wouldn't be the same without him."

"He's one of the writers I gravitate to because he speaks from the heart. ... So - yeah - I read Eric Field. I hope he writes a book someday."

"I just love your posts. I can wrap my mind around them and it takes a good part of the day to get my mind unwrapped."

Eric Field also posts on The Beehive, as "Wet Towel." You may recognize his lengthy posts on Fresno Famous as Out of the Void. He started out as RomeoVoid. He goes by his real name on MindHub.

Apparently, Eric and I run in the same social circles yet I have never met him. (I've actually questioned in the past whether I should approve comments from him on some of my blog entries. Usually, my response was: "What the heck is this guy talking about?") But I found it fascinating that so many people rushed to say that not only do they read what Eric writes, but that they enjoy it.

Was I missing something? If only I gave it another paragraph or two, would I get it?

I contacted him to see what his thoughts were on this back and forth on MindHub (this was before he posted his own response), and I asked him for an interview. The format would suit his style: it would be an email exchange -- unedited. I'd present one question at a time, and let him run free. We only got five questions in before I started fearing this post would crash our server (I almost ended it after Question One).

But I gotta say, after reading his responses, I think I've done it: I've cracked the Eric Field code. Everything makes sense to me now. I mean, I probably still won't read everything he writes in the future, but at least I know where he's coming from. If anything, that's what I hope people take away from this.

And again, sorry for the length (best to hit the "end" key to get to the comments area).

QUESTION ONE: You go by different names. Who is the real Eric Field?

Eric Field is....um....

(great,,,,,and I got to get to work and build a bunch of bikes before Liesl's show...)

Eric Field has a 'save draft,' button that will be used... frequently...

(I know you said that you really want to do this, Will, but jeesh... I thought folks moved here to get AWAY from massive ammonts of particulates swirling in storms...)

Okay.

Hello, I'm Eric Field.

I moved here in the fall of of '05, to marry a beautiful, talented, really deep and very private woman, ---who was from here (clovis, actually,) who was a good friend from one of my college runs (I was studying to be a pastor when I met her, this was in NY.)

She was from here...
I had no clue what Fresno was, aside from what she had said back at school... and she and I had lost touch shortly after 9/11 (I think she had moved down to one of the boro's was going through more school there, and I was actually working down in the Wall Street District... She had called me on the phone a day or so later, and was like
'....what do you think of all this?' --and I then explained that I had just gone through it all, first hand, was trying to recouperate (eyes getting sandblasted, crap in lungs, not able to handle loud noises... I mean, I found myself trying to hide behind my own bathroom sink when a UPS truck rolled by, (I lived in a small house in the woods, and communted to the money district each day...)

-Anyway, we talked abit about that, stayed in loose touch, ---lost touch,
I found her again on line, like a couple of years later, and she had moved back home (here.)
-we thought that we were the love of each others lives, and I came out here to marry her. (One way trip, me in a pickup with a lot of stuff and two cats.)

Upon getting here?, it didn't work out,
-what can you say? Somebody gives it their best shot, and that's all you can ask...
Personally, I regret the loss of the friendshp, most of all..
and we again, lost contact...
I understand, from a mutual friend, that she's actually getting married soon?
(not sure, we dont' talk, actually,) And I'm really stoked for her.
I mean, you love somebody, you want them happy (whether it involves you or not,) and by the sounds of it, and from what I know?
This must be a great guy.
So, yeah...
that's what brought me here.

Eric Field is the sort of guy who rides across the country with a pickup that looks like a weevil carrying an dufflebag, acrossed the back the words 'she's worth it.' in duct tape... ---and still feels that way.
Love is an excellent thing, and brings out the best, brings out the truth, and is prefferable to anything else, (even if it hurts sometimes.)

RomeoVoid:
The name 'Romeo Void,' comes from all that...
I was here, I found myself sort of,
well, stranded in Fresno... (which is a real trip, even if you don't know all of Fresno's preceeding reputation and panache')
and I tend to write my feelings and thoughts down to cope...
I'd done some online commnication before:

(chatrooms DISASTER: --Do NOT PUT EPISCOPALIANS IN A CHRISTIAN CHAT ROOM FULL OF SOUTHERN PENTICOSTALS (AND NEVER, EVER, EVER TALK ABOUT POLITICS AND RELIGION....)

(online dating:EQUAL DISASTER (sometimes,) ----I mean, people are rarely who they are in real life, ---and their computer is (usually) their 'alternate,' world...)

A lot of professional writing and business communication (documentation for clinical stuff, behavioral documentation, etc...)

I need to backtrack.

I'm actually a figure painter and sculptor. (During the time MTV was just starting, and RomeoVoid had a top hit...)

I went to school for painting, have painted and sculpted since I was twelve, and was really serious into it,,, ----but found that I was working more with the subjects at hand, and the people involved, after a while, ---rather than sitting there painting them... (sort of more as a counsellor and stuff.)

I still love creating, but it takes a lot of time and dedicated space and stuff to paint and sculpt... (and as a figure painter, there's always the need of a model, ---they're not that easy to come by either...)
---And it all sort of transitioned over to writing.

Without getting all artsy fartsy about it, to me writing is simply painting or working a media in somebody's mind, it removes the middle man, (so to speak,) of the medium itself, ---and becomes more creating 'live,' and then dialoguing about it...
It's everything from cathartic to complete rubbish, depending on what's being said and intended,
---but I see it as a tool.

During this time, having just moved here, I began to write, and was inspired by this weird site I found here called Fresno Famous.

To write or be a part of Fresno Famous, you had to have a pen-name.

Without going into a lot of detail, and to protect the identity of the woman I moved here to marry,
(I'm going to do that a lot in this interview, I respect these people and don't want them all uncovered and feeling weird,,,)

The name 'Romeo Void' fit.
I think I had actually heard one of their songs the day I started writing on FresnoFamous... (which is sort of ironic, as it doesn't really reflect my ideals in relationships,)
---but it really fit.
I was the Romeo,
the Juliette was gone,
the stage was struck,
there was nothing left but an empty ampitheatre,
(which I've never been back to, btw,) and now I was in the void.
(Sorry, Fresno, but when you come here for one person, and it all just ends? (and you don't know anybody else? --it's a Void.)
(The other option was 'Romeo Must Die,' ----but that's a bit dark, -even for me.)

So, initially I began writing under that name, and initially just sort of journalling and sending it
'out there,' because that's all I had and all I really was, this sort of displaced cosmopolitan hillbilly who talked funny sending up the occasional flare...
'...still here,'
'...where is here...'
'what happened to you...'
'still here,'
'hate you,'
'love you...'
'does anybody here know how to make decent pizza?' (etc.)
It was one person who was kind of bandaged from head to foot, and this was the thoughts while on a lot of morphine, (not literally,) a lot of prayer (literally,) and a lot of Fresno...

From that, folks began to write,
some for good some for bad...
Knowing basically no-one, ---and not looking to intrude upon the woman's life (she's a creative, I'm a creative,) it was like... I didn't know WHO I was talking to at any time, (but the internet is like that,)
and I began to meet people.
Folks responded heavilly to my writing, and began to talk to me,,, and they were pretty open, ---and usually it was for the positive.

I guess at this time I can honestly say that Jarah really created something that prevented me from just curling up and dying, in a lot of ways.
(Everyonce in a while, she'd be like;
'..yeah, your stuff rambles, but that's just you, don't sweat it, try to stay on topic, but just be yourself.'
She'd even get pissed and write in response and spar on a subject... ----and all that was quite strengthening.

There was one other person, who took it upon themself to befriend me.
I'm eternally grateful for that, and through that friendship, I was told about a lot of other things, the music scene, (I'm into music and performance,) the theatre folks (who I already had met, briefly,,,-but started to get to be known as 'me,' instead of
'...oh, shit, you're HIM, we heard you DIED or something...'

But the one person saw a friend in me, I saw one in them, and their friends befriended me as well.
Regrettably, the very thing that brought me to them, and was so important that they became my friend, (my writing, my writing style, and such,) actually became the very thing that they eventually could not stand,
and the friendship completely blew apart and is now completely dead.

I'll never figure it out, really, but it does happen, and it's happened before in that people react so violently (pro-or-con) my views and work (whether it's writing or whatever,) ---and the same thing is so excellent at first, becomes the poison...
(I'm saying this not to hurt the person's feelings, just acknowledge that so many of the people who have been a big part of life here in the 'no, were from this one friendship and encouragement to be a part of such things as MindHub, blogging in general, and such, and I am grateful for that...)

So...
'RomeoVoid' wrote and wrote, completely clueless as to what the thrust and themes of Fresno Famous was prior to my joining.

---This brought on other writers (whether I encouraged them, or it was simply a fluke,)
to write their stuff,
-which could be extremely personal, as well...

THAT caused a huge problem.
---Apparently FresFam. was a very 'municipal,' and 'Fresnocentric,' site. ---and I was dealing more with what life was living here, ---adjusting and comparing, ---and dealing with a pretty devestating relationship loss, (as well as finding out about all things Fresno.

PS:
Excellent Pizza is at Tony's on Fruit and Shields... (trust me on this.)

The battle kicked in,
---at the time I was very much more getting involved with some local social groups (some based upon the arts, some based upon social issues, some based upon caring for others in grassroots areas and such...)
---and really wasn't looking to get into this big battle royale about what Fresno Famous was to be about.
I found Jarah's comments to be clarifying,
--not at all damning,
---but pretty clarifying as to the (previous nature,) of the place... and realized that I was sort of taking things into a much different sphere (more creative writer's sort of stuff...)
I actually was thinking of starting a different site called 'Writer's Bloc' at one time... but never really found the time.

ALSO?:
---Some of the writings and such,
---and a rather odd outside association (I had met somebody at a function, their significant other thought I was about business that was (somehow) a threat to their relationship, ----and this person began to (cyber) stalk me..
THAT was wild...
I mean, they were showing up on posts, were in my Email, on my blog...
---and we were also in the same sphere in terms of social interests and the arts and stuff...
That was a bit of a burden, and got pretty intense...
Everywhere I went, it seemed they did.

So, weighing all that in, and going through all that, ---I began to think... '...this is not worth it, I mean, this is just too weird...'

I was also kind of growing into my own,
and no longer just this guy who moved across the country, and got dumped...
I was more being me, finding good churches to go to, making friends,
I'd started my own business,
---I was changing.
I still loved the girl, (always will,) but was coming out of all this 'crash-victim' mode and the bandages were coming off...
(...and besides,
Now I had a stalker... now THAT was arriving...)
So, I wrote a final blog, laced with (pretty shoddy inuendo and deeper meanings,) ---and killed RomeoVoid.

During this whole time, I also slowed in my writing on MindHub, and had a few 'blocks,' up to prevent unwanted someone's from reading my private blog 'Written in the Cool of the Night.'
(I actually started that blog,
truth be told because I sort of had a crush on a local woman who wrote on blogger, (APJ)...
It was a way to say hello, and get to know her... ---We did meet, (turns out we met before,)
I still adore her, consider her a very good friend, and that whole world introduced me to such things as the Rogue (these were a bunch of Rogue'rs)
---and that further swung me into the creative community in the performance sense here in Fresno.

That Blog, written as 'Semi-Gloss Lacquer,' ---was really personal and heavy.
Some of the folks who I became friends with (online, via MindHub or Fresno Famous,) swung over and read my stuff there, and that was a great experience.
(...they'd read my stuff on FF, or MindHub, and be like:
'...this guy needs to have his own blog..' (to which somebody would say: 'he does... it's over here, and here, and here...)

'Written in the Cool of the Night' was my main writing outlet for quite a while, a lot of great stuff came out of that, and I still count a lot of people I've met (some from across the country, 'Lime,' and 'KFarmer' are two of them) who I hold really dear.

Meanwhile back in Fresno...

I'd find myself reading FresnoFamous all the time, as a lurker , (By this time, it was a key part of social activity, and I had a lot of common efforts with others who were writing on it and contributing, (BikeHop, ArtHop, Crit. Mass, other efforts, ---even folks at chruch.)
it's been a great resource in terms of things to do, where to go, who's into what...)

Anyway, I'd read, and go on and post as a 'famous guest,'
But it wouldn't work.
The same people who hated me as RomeoVoid,
----knew INSTANTLY that it was me,---and they'd react to the writing style and comments just as heavy as before.

It was about this time, that I began to really think about what was going on with my creativity, and writing.

The stalker was sort of settling down.. (we're cool, now, btw... I mean, we're not like, friends and such, but it's like, okay, life is going on, bless you, bless you back, and you take care of yourself, k?) --and I hope they're doing well.

There was a moment where someone thought I had offended their wife and was fixin' to kill me,
THAT settled down within inches of a restraining order... (wish those folks well too... rock on... yep yep)

But it was one big decision (even over on MindHub) (where I'm just E. Field) ,
----of whether I should write and be myself, ---or walk around all worried about it...

I initially didn't admit to myself how much it was bothering me.
I don't like to admit that I get afraid of rejection from folks sometimes, ---or that I manipulate easily, ----but it can happen, and it was starting to happen with what I was saying, and how I was reacting to others (namely, not saying anything, and letting somebody elses opinion have such a big impact.)

I mean, the person who was first my friend, ---they were getting upset at the length and content of my posts...
Other folks who were friends from similar circles?: Ditto
Stalker and DeathThreat people, ---THEY were still checking in to work for a while there...

It was kind of a VERY definite cauldron to swim in...
(and yeah, the usual was said: '...love your stuff, it's so long, HATE your stuff, it's so long, your stuff is so long...'
...um, yeah, my stuff is long.
---And, truth be told?
It never really stops.
I mean, when you say something and hit any sort of mark?
People are going to agree, disagree, or simply want to end you for talking about it... (that's just life.)
And this area of the country has really fierce opinions, ---and not a lot of inhibitions for those who are really vocal.

One of the deciding factors for me on this was actually a little lady who was also coping with her own inhibitions as an artist,
---and tearing up the place in the process: Julia Dawn.
(I think she's in Portland or Seattle or something.)

I love her stuff.
Again, ---the former friend had turned me onto her work one night over at Club Freds, ---and I was blown away...
This girl can melt cement.

So I went home, and sat down and wrote what I felt that night (down at Tokyo,)
And something really hooked up in the piece...
I mean, I could feel it, and it came together like a poem that just 'works,' you know?
(That's when I can tell if something is really going to work, I feel it, sometimes I cry when I read it, sometimes it just takes off when it comes out of your mouth, instead of on the page...)

Anyway, I had written this thing on Julia,
---and to me it was kind of dangerous.
I mean, I had no idea as to her personal life, ---and she's like half my age...
---but this girl just sunk through to every zone (erogenous, and otherwise, on the whole planet)
and had the entire room full of people just lying there in her hand naked and looking into her heart...
men,
women,
(probably even the cockroaches)
didn't matter...

And I had to write about it, I had to tell others what it was like, it was like painting a really great nude at the perfect time of day.
It's the same invincible rush that I get when I walk through Manhattan... -everything comes alive, and (for me,) it's like: I either write about this and present this extraordinary truth to folks, ---or I'm depriving them of this, ---and that would be wrong.'

So I posted it.

---I don't remember a whole lot of response to it,

(If I recall, it was not too far off the Nino Moeschella show that I wrote about that was just a horrendous experience (not his talent nor his playing, (that I love,) it was about how the whole show went, what was good, what was bad, ---(then) it was over it being a birthday party for an extremely popular (alt) radio show, (which I had NO idea...
I just went because it got bumped on KFSR.... ---THEN, writing that I didn't like how it went,
---that it was an 'untouchable,' 'sacred,' sort of deal because the folks involved were so popular and 'in,'
....god it was an awful situation all the way around...)

So, I was learning a lot about Fresno, and that if you said something good? Great.
If you said something bad (even if it was true?) Diving into an overturned lawnmower would be more pleasant...

---So I remember writing the Julia Dawn Tokyo piece...
I didn't think of it much...
I was just glad it was out there, and felt I'd done my duty.

But I was really starting to feel very self-concious.

I caught up with Julia, I think it was at another show (same-shape? (band I'm crazy about,) and I had already heard from Julia (online,) and how she and her mom (her mom...) were really touched by the piece..
--When I asked her at the (Same Shape) show if she'd minded that I write about her performances?,
---(I think she'd performed again or something, and I had something in the can about it,) she sort of looked at me like I was nuts.
'...What, are you kidding?
Just write what you want, man, don't let people tell you what to say, screw that, just write what you want..'
(I am not sure if she used exactly those words or not...)

The flip side?
There were people who I had been writing about, (actually in a very positive sense, usually,) ---but who were becoming uncomfortable with my being associated with their efforts and were kind of backing off and/or letting me know that they weren't too stoked to be affiliated with me (socially, on line, whatever,) ---and that was challanging and cutting some close ties...

By this time,
I think I had started coming back to FF and such as Out of the Void,
---or was really thinking of writing more,
---but was really starting to face this whole 'how are you received,' thing.
(because the storm was sort of raging in both directions,)
and I was like...
You know what?,
this little girl with a big guitar has got it right, and she's far ballsier than me on this, and she has a right to think I'm crazy, IF I can see this, feel this, say it, ---and be afraid to write because of what SHE or anyone else thought...
I need to really think about that...

(I recently met up with a fellow who was dating her at the time of that piece.. (nice guy, actually,) and he made it a point to tell me that the piece really moved her.... That was so cool....)

I owe Julia Dawn a lot for that.

There have been others who I've spoken with, amidst controversey or issues going on, and I'm like, '...um, dude, how are you with this, I mean, are you sure it's okay, are you sure I'm not going to stink up the place here...'
---and the people who I really respect and who are really (I'm finding,) who are about nurturing and growing others are like '....no, no, just you be you.'

But the real change was starting to take place,
---in that I had gone from being this sort of cloistered salve covered 'it's painful to breathe,' sort of thing,
---to somebody who was now kind of staring down even critics (who were once friends,) over the one thing that I've always done,
---talk to people,
talk with people,
and say what I was seeing or thinking about,
---this time in writing.

I've only recently (like within the past Year? just been like '...okay, we'll do it live... lets go, it is what it is... fear is stupid...'

I'm sort of surprised at this... I mean, I'm nearly 45, and have been through more stuff that would put most folks in a straightjacket...
---I even have a pretty close faith and know about all that... ---yet I can be really hung up on what others think, sometimes.

The last part: 'WetTowel' (beehive)

(To which, If I'm going to lay this groundwork,, ---I mean, all of this stuff is simply me... I dont' do a whole lot of 'fiction,' in my writing...)

'Wet Towel' came from one of the most endearing experiences I've had here...

I had been doing something with Jaguar
(Bennett, ---somebody who I am so pround and blessed to be friends with.. I really loves me some Jaguar...
We can talk for hours, piss each other off royally, make each other think, and affirm that life is worth living and that there is one other person who 'gets it,' just over eating lunch at the happy pig... (I still owe him lunch, ---and his birthday present...) I love this guy, ---and I don't even like guys.
Jaguar will always tell you where the pope goes in the woods.
I mean, he's not always right,,,, but damned if he's not giving it his all, and he will be there for you no matter what...
I've never seen a more beautiful and volitile combination of opinion and passion, mixed with genuine caring as Jag.

Anyway, Jag had invited me down to Tokyo one night to hear a band, I'm not sure of the occasion... .
--I had just met this woman (name omitted)
(who apparently reads my stuff, ---she even thought it should be published, which blew my mind...)
As well as Jodi Fitzpatrick (my nemesis... I swear this woman and I have to be related...)
and (I think) Suzanne Bertz-Rosa (I may not be spelling these names properly... I may not be spelling anything properly... sorry..)
At something...

It was a social something involving people...

Anyway, this woman, who I had no idea who she was, and I were talking.
I find out who she is,
what she does,
what she's done,
and what she's into, -----as well as that her husband was doing a great job of keeping time in a band that was doing justice to some Badfinger tunes...
I was totally impressed.

Anyway...
She's sitting there acrossed from me, (the woman has eyes that can make you forget that you're about to be hit by an amtrack,) and she's like
'...let's dance.'
To which I was terrified.
I could not move.

I mean, seriously... no being with a pulse can blame me on this... yet, still.
Beautiful woman
Beautiful intelligent (ohmygod intelligent) woman
Beautiful intelligent very into music and arts woman
Beautiful intelligent very into music and arts very very very MARRIED woman
---who has eyes that can melt rock (in a good way.)

Asks me to dance.

I don't dance...
I mean, I used to,
---I used to slam, actually...
I love to dance.
I'm just way more shy these days, and havn't danced in public in years...

She wants ME to dance...

(I'm just sitting there trying to breathe...)

I couldn't.
I caved...

She tried a few times, (being implored by her to do anything more than once is a thing that we have no known defence against as
A.) a nuclear country or
B.) carbon based life forms in general...
HOW her husband can simply co-exist and not go completely into a drooling puddle every moment of the day is truly a testimony to his strength of character and love....
(Dude, you rock, literally....(bows)

Anyway, she asked a couple of times,
I said no a couple of times, and she danced with,
I think it was Jaguar...
(Jaguar can dance to anything, and will dance with anything... Jaguar can dance to a truck rolling by... He's another unstoppable force...)

It was like being a shoe salesman at a table full of X-Men...
like that... (We've all been there.)

Anyway, I was home reading something on Beehive,
feeling like a total looser-idiot-paunchy-fear ridden guy with a bald spot.... (for having said 'no' to dancing with this woman.)
and saw she posts something on something a few days later or so...

I wrote her a note, apologizing for my not dancing with her, told her how great it was to meet her (and her hubby,,,)
and apologized for being such a 'wet towel.'

Her response started with 'Dearest Wet Towel.'
-and it was short, sweet, to the point, and one of the nicest little notes I've ever gotten in my life. (Extremely well crafted... this think was like an Italian pastry with an espresso... that good.)

And I kept it...
Wet Towel
To me it's one of the sweetest things ever to happen.
(It has nothing to do with my writing style, nor my intent...
---unless you freakin' hate my stuff, then, oh yeah.... VERY Wet Towel.)

I'm considering a tattoo...

(and hold this woman and her Husband in the highest regard...)

Heaven:
is a beautiful and intelligent woman who forgives you for being yourself.

Anyway, the real Eric Field is actually all of the above.
I also DO work.
I have three busieneses, (all small, but doing okay,)
I am behind in a lot of stuff, (mostly due to having a R. shoulder rebuilt a year ago last Jan,)
--And I'm trying to get into nursing school...

I've never been able to hide who and what I am, (It's hard when you're about six foot tall, over two thirty, German, and intense.... ---we don't make good cat burgulars...

I do have an extremely private side...
I am actually very very shy... (Always have been,)

Yet I have no problem talking to anyone, (including addressing hundreds of folks ---whether it's in a suit, or a bathing suit...)
---okay, bathing suit not so much these days....

I DO talk as much in person as on the screen... ---and that's been good and bad...
But the wild thing is, I'm actually very very silent too.
(I mean, at one time I was considering becoming a monk, LOVE living in the middle of nowhere where you can hear a deer fart a mile away, (mutter 'excuse yourself,' --and hear the dear mutter back '...piss off, I was here first..'

There are a lot of sides to me, ----but it's pretty much one big happy mess o thoughts and feelings, usually all trying to get out at once...
(There may be somethign wrong with me... (I mean, I know I have dyslexia, I have been told that I have PSTD,,,,, er... PTSD (see, dyslexic) ---but I've been this way, my whole family is this way, ---and we're by nature often pretty deep feeling folks who usually have deep feelings and convictions and are (to a fault,) madly in love with people and life in general...

I think another funny aspect of it is:
---We're heavilly affected by where we are at at the time...
--It's like when I talk to folks from home, and my NY/Jersey/Philly accent comes out really heavily (I can even be thinking of home, and it happens.)
We pick up (my whole family,) the accents and mannerisms of whomever we're talking with.

It can be really cool, in that we often do this, and people open up more, (we don't do this as a manipulation thing, it just happens) ---but folks are somehow less threatened, (or more threatened, if they have difficulty with somebody being 'that close,')
---But I love it in that (say when working in a medical, direct care, or spiritual setting,) we can blend in and talk to folks.
This was really helpful in taking care of folks with Autism (which I've done,) or communicating with folks who have brain injuries, or are traumatized or in shock, ---or simply are from a different culture... (it sounds weird,) ---but when you can close that gap, ---and find a communication that both of you get, ---especially if a person has a hard time communicating, ---they are able to risk it and open up, ----and they talk more to you, and are able to trust and be a part of this life... (Which freakin' rocks...)

So on an upside,
---yeah, I talk, write, do artwork, sing, (etc. etc.) ---and people open up and think because of it... (and when you got a person with Autism who can communicate with you, or somebody who (say if they have alzheimers and is disoriented, ---or even is at a crash site or something, -----when they can really be themselves and open up, ---and you can get it, ---and communicate back?....
-That's just the best... There is nothing better.

Downside?
My mom had a boss who was from India, (a doctor in a hospital,) and it took him a little while to realize that she wasn't making fun of him when she started talking with his accent, ---she couldn't help it,,, ---but once she got over her embarassment, He thought it was really sweet, and they communicated tremedously....

The other Downside?
---Not everybody wants you to 'get it,' and be able to sum up a situation, ---or them, ---so quickly.
It's sort a claustrophobia thing for some folks... it's like staring a dog in the eye at the wrong time...
People don't want to be 'understood,' ----nor want you that close to them, ---until they're ready for that, ---and until they've decided that you're not a threat...
I think it's a control thing too...
There are some folks who are happier being 'in charge,' of a situation, ---and who are not comfortable at all when they are NOT in control.

This is probably straying into another topic, ---but sometimes your biggest successs (in understanding someone, someplace, something,) ----really can be the deal breaker IF they don't want to be understood, or don't want you 'in their space.'
---As a writer and an artist, ----even as a somebody serving in the ministry or social services, medical venues, ---or even teaching...
---Even being somebody's friend, relative or Lover....
-If you're 'in there,' so to speak, ---and they don't want that? They're not in control of that?
You find yourself on the 'outside,' of a situation really fast.

There has to be a trust to it all, ---and even then, you never can tell when the game is over.

The real Eric Field has always, and will always be (kind of,) unable to get that.
---And I realize that whether I'm RomeoVoid, Out of the Void, WetTowel, Semi-Gloss-Lacquer (Written in the Cool of the Night, Built Entirely of Words, GodBlog) or simply 'me.'
---The same thing that folks feel comfortable relating to, -reacting to, --maybe even want to be with, open up to, ---and crave (sometimes even 'for life,')
Is the same thing that can repel them (sometimes in a very short while.)

You never get used to it, fully...

Reason?

When you are that dialed into a subject, that dialed into a situation, person, feeling, (etc.)
You have to pay complete focus on it, and on them...
You're kind of naked and strapped into this thing, and there is only one way out, ---and you're not thinking of the 'way out,' you're busy doing what it is that you have to do...
It's like you can't be on two trains at once.
And I'm really not aware half the time of what's going on outside an intense situation, unless I really step back, ---and then sometimes you loose your moment... so it's a really tough call...
I'm a both feet first, heart on sleeve sort of guy.

Sometimes, in that, you have the choice of (either,) self-preservation and backing off of what you're seeing, what you're feeling, or what even somebody else has asked you to do, see, write or comment about, -----
--or to continue with what was initially the inspiration for it all.
and you become, in a sense the walking results of that devotion and attention paid.

Another way of saying it?
-you become, sometimes, 'too into it.'

I think, --all these scenarios and written formats (all my writing,)
Is NOTHING if not 'too into it.'
---So its instantly identifiable.
---It can become uncomfortable for folks (for a variety of reasons,)
---And it can lead to overdose...

But (me,) really doesn't have a whole lot of other choice in the issue.

(It's kind of like: '....Jeez, this is the first question, and the guy has written a freakin' book...'
---Will, are you really into this?
(?)
I mean, maybe I should go buy a lot of stock in mouses that have really big scroll buttons, first...

But in a nutshell,
All of this has been just one exercise.
Me, coping,
Me, relating,
Me, just dealing with life, ----which happens to be Fresno.

I think there has been a definite 'balance,' (though I don't really like that word, in recent corpspeak,) struck between myself and Fresno,
---if only because there are such major differences for me to make sense of, and learn to work with...
So, in a sense, ALL of this could be seen as reactionary, ---and Fresno could be seen as one of the greatest inspirations in my life.
(...oh god, did I just write that???)

But seriously, ---other members of my family have responded as heavily as I have to here and they (sometimes) say the same things:
'....You've grown since you've gone there, I hear you thinking and making choices and doing things that you didn't do back here, I think this is good for you...'

Maybe it's a 9/11 thing for me.
Maybe it's having survived car wrecks or nearly being killed at different times.
Maybe it's finding yourself literally at a point of living or dying, ----or simply understanding that you have those two choices (in a way,)
Or no choice...
(I personally think my life purely is in the Lord's hands... so how long I'm here (life,) is up to Him, nothing will change that.)
I also see everything that is going on (also) as being under God's control.

That sort of is a big relief.
I mean, once you don't have that to worry about, ---nor what is 'going to happen' to you,,,
you either get busy living, ---or you waste your life worrying about it, ---and dying.

At this point in time, I refuse to die.
Which means, living
and doing what I'm supposed to do, unencumbored by a lot of excess worry (or others approval or disapproval.)

I have considered getting a tattoo:
'...I refuse to die in Fresno...'
---but think, maybe others may see it, and not take it the right way....
(or maybe they WILL take it the right way...)

-Which around some folks?
Is a great way to get yer ass killed, (and that's only by the peaceful creative types, for starters...)

Oh yeah... Your question:
Who am I?

I'm a dark blonde, red beard, love kefir (the drink, not the actor,) am a non-practicing scorpio, who enjoys quiet nights by the fire (unless it's like, freakin, 100 degrees out,) long walks on the beach, motorsports, rainy afternoons, and puppies...
I don't like: Fake People...

No really...

Okay...

Next Question...

(are you sure you still want to do this?)

---I promise to try to be more brief with the following q's...
I mean, I don't want Steph to throw a clot or somehing...

okay...

next?

--- CLICK FOR QUESTION TWO