Happy Beehive Anniversary to me
Today is officially my one-year anniversary blogging for the Beehive, so I thought it might be fun (for me) to take a look back at some of the highlights from my time spent chronicling the details of the beautiful and the famous. And Kevin Federline, of course.
First post written:
Kevin and Britney may have recorded something worth checking out
Posts that would have been funnier if I'd shown the pictures instead of linking to them:
John Mayer, magician
Everybody poops
My favorite headlines:
8 out of 10 school librarians prefer the term "jingleberries" to "scrotum"
Al Gore charged with proving Lindsay Lohan's sanity; overheard saying "Global warming will be a snap after this"
Trump to Tara Conner: Come with me if you want to live
2 big things keep John Mayer from noticing that Jessica Simpson puts the "duh" in D-cup
This Just In: Nick Lachey Still Attracted to Gigantic Knockers
My favorite first sentence from a post: "We all know Alec Baldwin is kind of dick, but this is unbelievable."
Total number of posts written: 502
Number of posts that mention Britney Spears: 103
Paris Hilton: 81
Lindsay Lohan: 49
Rehab: 45
Mike Oz: 31
"The Office": 27
Kevin Federline: 25
Anna Nicole Smith: 22
Jim Halpert:19
John Mayer: 17
Harry Potter: 16
"Grey's Anatomy": 15
D.U.I.: 11
Indiana Jones: 7
Bobby Brown: 5
Disneyland: 4
Fresno: 125
Favorite words and number of posts in which they appear:
Totally: 43
Crazy: 38
Awesome: 32
Bitch: 28
Dude: 16
Poop: 8
Hella: 7
Douchebag: 3
Number of references to Paris Hilton's herpes: 6
Number of times The Fresno Bee has censored me: 2
Once for using the word "douchebag" in a headline, and once for using the term "firecrotch" to describe myself in an online bio for the Beehive (since removed)
Number of half-written, unpublished posts: 7
What they were about:
Tom Brady, "Private Practice", a bad picture of David Beckham, Disney's Song of the South, a video of Lindsay Lohan snorting coke in a bathroom stall, the emo "epidemic" in Fresno and the time I went to see the "Thunder from Down Under" male strip show in Vegas.
Reason for not finishing/publishing posts: Sheer laziness
Comments received: 1267
Posts that got a ridiculous number of comments:
The main ingredient in Fergie's cake? Butterface (28)
Orlando Bloom finally realizes that little mustache wasn't convincing anyone (32)
Most ridiculous/awesome comment:
"Your just mad because Criss isn't yours. NOBODY IN THE ENTRIE F****** WORLD IS HOTTER THEN CRISS ANGEL! he's and illusionist and if you had half a brain you would know the diffrence between magic and an illusion. Criss Angel is an artist using the mind (you know the thing your missing) Body (yours would stay up if you had a spine to suport it) and the illusion itself to complete a trick. Case and point, don't trash talk sombody who has a who s***load of loyals who would gladly kick your ass for even looking in his derection. Your just a bitch but hey you can't help that you have a telephone pole up your ass. CRISS ANGEL 4 EVER
May he never die"
Number of times I've been called "retarted": 2
Response I got after calling Gene Simmons ugly:
"this is not true hes not that ugly at least hes not as ugly as the one who put this picture here i saw her picture haha she is the uglyest thing on the computer"
Posts I've written about people who can't spell:
**~OMG! LMAO on this 1 !!!!~**
Beehive comments rool lik 4real soooo hottt!!!!
Orlando Bloom hears your praise and responds in kind
Number of times I've been asked why my picture on the Beehive is pink: Innumerable
Comments:
Happy Anniversary H-mac. Thanks for making my work days a little more easier to get through.
Posted by: Michael at November 12, 2007 10:19 AM
Happy AnniBritney to You.
Keep up the TMZ work.
And who CARES if your picture is pink, as long as you keep callin' a Paris a Paris.
Posted by: Stephen at November 12, 2007 10:31 AM
Congratulations. I'll buy you TWO turkey legs in D-land to celebrate.
Posted by: James at November 12, 2007 11:34 AM
Yeah, but how many strike throughs have you used? Where's the count on that?
Probably like 3 cajillion.
Posted by: Mike Oz at November 12, 2007 11:46 AM
Happy Anniversary HMAac! And may you have many more blogs and fun controversial topics we can bicker about! I lovre the sense of humor! Rock on chica!~
Posted by: Renee N at November 12, 2007 11:47 AM
Congrats on your first year...keep up the good work!
Posted by: Andrew at November 12, 2007 12:58 PM
for the record, when our old designer was assigning colors, i asked for pink. the powers that be said "heather will be the reason people will read the beehive," so she gets the good color.
there ... the secret is out.
Posted by: Beehiver Will at November 12, 2007 3:01 PM
Happy Anniversary and congratulations!! I always knew you were going to be doing something with your sense of humor.
Posted by: jackie at November 12, 2007 3:03 PM
I say you need to finish the emo epidemic in Fresno post. That is something that needs to be addressed right away.
All our council members are worrying about solving downtown's issues and the like, but ignore this epidemic sweeping the city streets.
Posted by: Jared at November 12, 2007 3:41 PM
Happy Blogaversary!
May one and all share in the hilariousness that is you!
*Hugs*
Posted by: Britten at November 12, 2007 5:09 PM
You have filled the Fresno blogging gap left by Jarah quite well. If more of your powers are used on Fresno news and "celebs", you will be unstoppable!
Happy Aniversary, I hope the Bee Overloards are paying you proper.
Posted by: The Fresnan at November 12, 2007 5:48 PM
I was reading the whole thing, I swear,
then hit the lines about
douchebag
and
firecrotch
(firecrotch?)
whooofffa, that's a new one...
congrats on 12 months...
....
firecrotch...
jeez o pete, is that a CB handle or what...
(oh yeah, and I'd be cautious with them thar Chris Angel groupies, they have a thing for sharp objects.)
Posted by: wet towel at November 12, 2007 6:12 PM
Yay yay yay! I can't believe it has been a year. Keep up the amazing work!!!!
Posted by: Missy T at November 12, 2007 7:58 PM
I'm very proud to get my local entertainment fix from a Gen-X writer such as yourself. While doing the mom thing and watching my 10 kids every day, I sometimes catch myself wondering, "I hope her page counts are climbing, because gosh, I really think she's funny..."
We're all cheering for you. Rock on with your bad self!
Posted by: Clare Frederick at November 12, 2007 9:53 PM
Thanks, everybody! Couldn't do this without you.
Posted by: Heather at November 12, 2007 10:05 PM
Hi heather
Congratulations to you. I read your blog everyday, really don't know most of the celebs, but It's funny anyway.
Thanks again
Posted by: grandpa at November 13, 2007 8:00 AM
You're funny, you're sassy, and I hope that in the next year you (and all of us) don't have keep an eye out for Britney happenings. Do you know that chick drives around and around blocks so that the Paps can find her and then start snapping away? Anyway, good luck with Jim Halpert...that's a worthwhile project to focus on!
Posted by: felicia at November 13, 2007 10:08 AM
Number of times I've been called late at night because of "unusual language" in a headline: 3
Level of embarrassment explaining to someone what "firecrotch" meant: 8 on the 10 point scale (and then being told to take it down)
But it was worth it -- thanks for a great year, Heather!
-- the censor editor
Posted by: Jennifer at November 13, 2007 11:23 AM
One year of talking sh*t on celebs. Well done Heather... well done :)
Posted by: josh at November 13, 2007 3:48 PM
Keep entertaining the masses. It's your calling. A true gift of the gab.
Posted by: Matis-Yahoo at November 13, 2007 8:47 PM
The greatest compliment I can give a fellow writer is noting the times I come across a jaw-scraping turn of phrase in her work. "Damn," sez I, "wish I had thought of that."
With you, HMac, that happens way, waaaaay to often.
Laissez les bon temps roulez.
Posted by: Jody at November 14, 2007 9:17 AM
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