Jack Bauer becomes your typical Hollywood starlet
Heather: Did you hear about your hero? Did you hear about Jack Bauer
being a common, not-so-much-with-the-saving-of-the-world drunk driver?
Mike Oz: And did you hear that slandering American heroes is not a nice thing to do? Jack Bauer would never get in trouble with the law because Jack Bauer is the law.
Heather: Okay, Crazy. Settle down. Jack Bauer is not the law because Jack Bauer is a fictional character. Jack Bauer is Kiefer Sutherland, and Kiefer Sutherland is apparently a drunk.
Mike Oz: You're not making sense. Are you talking about that guy from Stand By Me? What does he have to do with CTU hero, protector of America and terrorist-destroyer Jack Bauer?
Heather: The only thing Jack Bauer has destroyed is your grip on reality, son. Jack Bauer destroys fictional terrorists on "24". Kiefer Sutherland destroys his driving record with a .08 blood alcohol level. You want a real hero? Look no further than Buffy the Vampire Slayer. When Buffy drinks, she has sex with vampires. Not only is it hot, it's a lot safer for America. For the world, in fact. Unlike Jack Bauer, Buffy's heroism knows no national boundaries.
Mike Oz: Jack Bauer once got hooked on heroin while undercover trying to protect our country. So if he were to be drunk, it was probably for some reason like that. Now you're blowing his cover, Heather. Do you feel good about that?
Heather: No, Mike Oz. Knowing that you'll never win an argument against me is what makes me feel good. Jack Bauer is a drunk! A fictional drunk!
Mike Oz: Let me ask you this, Heather. Have you ever been a field agent in the Counter Terrorism Unit? Didn't think so! So you have no right to criticize Jack Bauer.
Heather: Okay, we're done here. Get well, Kiefer Sutherland, portrayer of fictional character Jack Bauer. You were awesome in The Lost Boys and Stand By Me. Stay alive, be healthy and make good movies again.
Mike Oz: And more karate kicks and Christmas tree tackles.
Comments:
but make good movies again ... not like the payphone one you did with the weird guy from alexander and daredevil.
Posted by: will at September 25, 2007 1:03 PM
You know in Los Angeles they named a street after Jack Bauer, but they had to change the name. Why? Cause no one crosses Jack Bauer.
Kiefer is a hardcore partier. I guess he was given a action figure of Jack Bauer and he took it out with his friends for a night of drinking. They ended the night by torturing the figure by fire, essentially melting it. Turns out the figure was a prototype and took a year to make. D'oh!
But I'm with Mike on this one H-mac. Sorry.
Posted by: Michael at September 25, 2007 1:59 PM
I immediatley thought of the herion storyline. Maybe Ole Jack was trying to get close to Susie Frankeberger
Posted by: JB at September 26, 2007 2:40 PM
JB--Are you suggesting there's a potential terrorist plot happening in Fresno, and Susie Frankeberger is a pawn in the action??
OhMyGosh! "24" is going to shoot HERE! In Fresno!!!! I can't wait! Like one of the disaster drills they conducted here some time ago, I'm sure the terrorists will take over our public works buildings, cuz controlling the water is the WAY! (The Fresno Syndrome, baby, with Jack Nicholson and Jack Bauer).
Oooo, I can't wait to see if Mayor Autry is a good guy or a bad guy.
Posted by: Stephen at September 26, 2007 9:57 PM
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