Well, folks, it's a new gig for me this year: I'm writing an Oscar blog instead of an Oscar story. It will all be old news by the time the paper hits your doorstep tomorrow morning, right? Instead of spending Oscar night slaving down at the newspaper office -- with a big TV angled at my desk and an extremely rare can (for me) of Diet Pepsi sitting beside me to keep me perked up in the middle of the Short Film (Live Action) winner's acceptance speech -- I'm going to be at home, in my pajamas, curled up on my couch.

This means we get to experience this thing in real time, together. Isn't that special? This is all assuming, of course, that 1) you're able to watch TV and read a computer screen at the same time; 2) haven't been lured in by some other news organization's much fancier Oscar blog site; and 3) could possibly care what I have to say. But come on, this is what the sum total of billions of dollars spent on Internet infrastructure and years of high-tech research have made possible: I can blather LIVE about the Academy Awards. Sort of makes you all misty-eyed for the potential of humankind, eh?

Anyway, I'm here. And I'm blogging. Keep me company: Post a comment or send me an email.

5 p.m. True confession: I've done the Oscar routine since 1996 -- gasp, I'm old -- now, and I've developed some certain rituals. The first one being, namely, that I have totally managed for more than a decade to avoid the Oscar pre-shows. I'd breeze into the newsroom about 15 minutes before the broadcast began, boot up my computer and be ready to write just as the first award was being announced. It was my little way of maintaining my sanity amidst the unrelenting, 24-hour Oscar hype.

But in the spirit of blogging, I've been watching some of the pre-shows. And what dreck they are. The low point so far: Ryan Seacrest on "E" asking Meryl Streep's daughter if her mother is anything like the character she played on "The Devil Wears Prada." Um, yeah, Ryan, you ask a teen on national TV if her mom is a cutthroat, manipulative ice queen and what do you expect her to say? That she doesn't give a very good allowance?

Actually, Seacrest seems like an addled little hen -- an old biddy, for those who keep track of my in-print spelling errors -- clucking around the barnyard. He practically drooled all over Nicole Kidman when asking about her dress; she actually looked physically pained as she clenched her teeth and remained a pro. (What's she going to do, call the cops on him?)

I realize, as I take all this in, that my instinctual reaction to avoid the pre-show was scientifically sound.

5:45 p.m. So how'd Ellen do? I think it's refreshing that she did a low-key, traditionalist-style comic set that didn't rely on gimmicks, elaborate skits or technical wizardry. And the gospel choir she brought on stage was only there for 45 seconds or so -- not long enough to wear thin. As for the Oscar opening, however, with the Errol Morris-style documentary approach -- way flat.

5:53 p.m. First award goes to "Pan's Labyrinth," which makes me really happy. As this year's lengthy Oscar season has crawled along, this amazing film has been getting more and more buzz -- and it looks like it's peaking at just the right time.

5:57 p.m. Love the Will Ferrell, Jack Black and John C. Reilly musical spoof. I have little doubt that some time in the not so near future, Ferrell will indeed take on a project in which he plays a guy with no arms and legs who teaches inner-city gang-bangers "Hamlet." It's the lure of Oscar.

5:59 p.m.: "Pan's Labyrinth," two for two! (So far it's won for makeup and art direction.) Could there be a write-in for best picture?

6:05 p.m.: Best laugh of the evening so far: That clip from "West Bank Story," winner of best short action live film. Get it? West Bank Story? West Side Story? If the Sharks and the Jets can patch up their differences, maybe there's hope for the Israelis and Palestinians.

6:15 p.m. First technical award for "Letters from Iwo Jima," for sound editing. (That sound effects choir was really cool; do you think they hire out for birthday parties?) Regular readers of this blog and my Oscar columns know I have a soft spot for "Iwo Jima" and have my fingers crossed for a big win -- perhaps this is the first Oscar of several?

6:22 p.m. The first biggie: supporting actor. I'm actually kind of nervous. And it goes to .... Alan Arkin, which suggests that 1) the Old Guard is alive and well in the Academy (and hey ho for that), and 2) it was really, really stupid for Eddie Murphy to open in "Norbit" just as the Oscar ballots were being collected. Sweet speech by Alan, by the way. Even though he read it, the catch in his voice made it worthwhile.

6:26 p.m.: What's up with Mark Wahlberg and his dry-as-dust exchange with Ellen? Isn't one of the "marks" of a good actor an ability to improvise (and look comfortable on live TV?) Here's hoping we don't have to listen to his acceptance speech.

6:35 p.m.: So I get these actual hybrid CHILLS up my spine as a proud Prius owner as I watch the stats on global warming flash behind Melissa Etheridge sing "An Inconvenient Truth." Take that, SUV owners! May your carbon emissions smother you while you sleep!

6:40 p.m. Now THAT is great comic timing. Al Gore and Leonardo DiCaprio's fun little skit -- in which Leo keeps asking Gore if he has any big "announcements" to make, and Gore finally acting like he's going to run again for president, only to be drowned out by the orchestra -- is just the right mix of schmaltz and sharp topical humor. As long as Gore doesn't ACTUALLY announce for president, his star will only continue to rise.

6:50 p.m.: Hmmm. "The Departed" picks up adapted screenplay. This isn't actually much of a surprise, but it does signal the wide-open feel of the evening. My pick for this category (sour grapes moment here) is still "Notes on a Scandal," which I think is one of the best adaptations of a novel I've seen in a long time. Oh, and as far as winner William Monahan's speech goes: Love that valium honesty.

7:04 p.m.: "Marie Antoinette" picks up the costume design award -- again, not much of a predictor for what's to come, but possibly a bad sign for "The Queen." Then again, how can you lose when you're recreating Versailles?

7:11 p.m.: More good stuff from Ellen: Nice banter with Clint Eastwood, especially when she winds up asking him for a MySpace photo -- and then directing Steven Spielberg as he takes the shot. I'm finding that I'm really liking Ellen this evening -- she's got a relaxed, sweet style that makes you feel like she's a real bridge between those big, important, unattainable celebrities and the regular average viewing audience. Backing up a bit -- I missed who that actress was who co-presented with Ann Hathaway. That blue dress makes her look so skinny that you wonder if she has room for a spinal column.

7:15 p.m.: "Pan's Labyrinth," for cinematography! Woo-hoo! For a film that got left out of the best-picture category, it's sure making its presence known at these awards.

7:22 p.m.: So the dismally mediocre "Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest" wins for visual effects. I begrudgingly admit that this film had its fair share of visual oomph, but I would have liked to have seen it lose just on principle alone. At least it didn't win the makeup award for Johnny Depp's eyeliner.

7:31 p.m.: HUGE HUGE HUGE UPSET: What happened to "Pan's Labyrinth" for foreign film? I figured it had a lock on this category, especially with the technical awards it won so far, but the award goes to Germany's "The Lives of Others." Big surprise.

7:35 p.m.: Supporting actress to Jennifer Hudson; no surprise there. A sweet speech, however, especially at the end, when she gave a last thank-you to Jennifer Holliday, whose legendary performance of the role on Broadway set a standard that no one could ever top, even in the biggest Hollywood movie possible. When you win for Effie in "Dreamgirls," it's best to thank God second and Jennifer Holliday first.

7:49 p.m.: Al Gore wins! If it had been up to the Academy, of course, he would have won the presidency, but I guess he'll have to settle for that Oscar. What with the former vice president's moment in the spotlight as a presenter and as an award winner, this year's awards pretty much turned into a Gore love fest. And good for him. He figured out a way to get a complex, technical message across to the public in a way that penetrated the thick haze that obscures almost any important policy issue today. You might not agree with him, but you have to admit he's galvanized the public.

7:51 p.m.: So you want to know my favorite moment of this Academy Awards? I can tell you even though it isn't over yet. It's the special Oscar for Ennio Morricone, who has written some of the most beautiful movie music ever. His scores for "The Mission," "Cinema Paradiso" and "The Legend of 1900" have had a profound and powerful impact on me since my early days of childhood -- I've listened to his scores faithfully and even reverently, in awe that a composer could eke so much feeling and life out of a melodic line. His speech (in Italian!) mesmerized even if you couldn't understand the language. Here's my commercial plug: If you've never heard of Morricone, do yourself a favor and listen to "The Mission." It's simply beautiful.

8:08 p.m.: Poor Clint. He's getting bashed on this blog (and other places, I'm sure) for some fumbled lines. Come on, give him some slack. He's, like, 200 years old.

8:14 p.m.: "Little Miss Sunshine" gets the prize for original screenplay, which means that it's a very good possibility that this little comedy could walk away with the big prize. Or is this the consolation?

8:20 p.m.: Jennifer Lopez, wearing a rather odd looking dress that looks like something that Cleopatra might have taken a pass on at the Cairo JC Penney, introduces the "Dreamgirls" singers. Here's my question: Will Beyonce get the last sing at the end of the medley? Or will Jennifer Hudson get the honors, considering she's an Oscar winner?

8:29 p.m.: I'm happy to see that Akina Noni Rose, the third Dreamgirl, got a chance at the spotlight, although it would have been nice if Fresno's Sharon Leal (who played the fourth Dreamgirl) had been able to join them. Nice medley, but when you don't end it with "I'm Telling You," it's hard to give it a real "Dreamgirls" finish.

8:30 p.m.: Melissa Etheridge wins for song and thanks ... Al Gore. It's the Al Gore Show!

8:42 p.m. Um, guys, I'm actually getting a little sleepy here. Is it just me, or are we on Hour Five already? When Chris Rock did the show, weren't the maintenance people already cleaning up the Kodak by now?

8:43 p.m.: "The Departed" picks up the award for film editing. A trend toward that film? Or am I just in delirious denial that "Little Miss Sunshine" is going to go down as this century's "Shakespeare in Love"?

8:47 p.m.: Every year, I stop whatever I'm doing and devote my full attention when the "dead people list" runs. It's always a little bittersweet for me -- does time pass that quickly? -- and I'm always genuinely surprised by one or two of the people who passed on during the past year. This time, I'm saddened to learn that Maureen Stapleton, Jack Warden and Jane Wyatt are on the list.

8:53 p.m.: And for best actress, it's: Helen Mirren. But of course. If there was any given tonight, this is it. Mirren gave a majestic speech. I wonder if the real queen was watching?

9:04 p.m.: Forest Whitaker, best actor. I have to admit I really feel for Peter O'Toole right about now. A nice speech from Whitaker.

9:08 p.m.: Best director .... to Martin Scorsese. The Peter O'Toole curse didn't carry through. What makes me happy about this award is that "The Departed" is a really fine film -- and while this award is really for a body of work, as everybody knows, it's great that the film is so good. Great eyebrows, too, Martin. And you can speak so quickly! There were probably more words in his acceptance speech than anyone else the whole evening.

9:13 p.m. Diane Keaton is reading off the nominees, and I really still don't have any idea who's going to win. Pretty exciting.

9:14 p.m.: It's "The Departed." I guess, thinking back to the original screenplay award, that moment was a consolation prize for "LIttle Miss Sunshine." I've always been a strong proponent for the idea that the best director and best film should go together, so it makes me happy to see some consistency.

9:30 p.m.: Before I get to my recap, I have to acknowledge how odd it is to be finishing up on Oscar night just minutes after the show ends. If I were writing a story for the print edition, I'd be in a full adrenaline rush right now, scrambling to make a 10 p.m. deadline. Instead, I'm just about done! (Of course, my colleagues down at The Bee are still scrambling.)

Final thoughts: It was Martin Scorsese's night, no question about it. I'm glad to see him go home with an Oscar. And of course the acting winners are flying high. Eddie Murphy has to be hurting the most out of the losers, just because he was considered a front-runner. (And I'm still feeling for Peter O'Toole; will he ever get another chance at a nomination?) Al Gore has to be loving life right about now; who needs the presidency when you can bask in the adoration of Leonardo DiCaprio? I'm most surprised by "Pan's Labyrinth" getting passed over for best foreign film; after the hype it's received and the technical awards it won, it was almost a slap. In terms of the show itself, it really seemed a dawdling affair, especially compared to some of the speedier shows of the past. I liked Ellen Degeneres -- a lot, and I'd be happy to see her back.

OK, I'm outta here. This blog thing has been fun, and thanks for all the comments. You know what? I'm not going to think about the Oscars for at least 10 months.