This week, Lindsay Lohan - actress, singer, fully adequite thinker - sent to her employees a call to action. Her mission? To stop the tabloids from spreading lies that she may be drunk, on drugs or simply bats**t crazy. Her proposed allies in the battle? Al Gore, Hillary and Bill Clinton and a rabbit lawyer named Harvey. The full transcript of Lindsay's letter can be found here, but I've printed some of the highlights below:

In the message sent from her Blackberry, Lindsay outlines her plan of attack:

"Let's sue the tabloids for saying the things they say. Defamation of character. Amongst other illegal accusations, I will repeat this over and over to make my point. I am not fully aware of what these, again, accusations are, but I am fully and eagerly prepared to learn them."

She goes on to humbly illustrate her influence on others:

"Also because I have such an impact on our younger generations, as well as generations older than me. Which we all know and can obviously see."

She then suggests allies in her righteous quest:

"Have harvey and all lawyers help me please. If he is willing. Al Gore will help me he came up to me last night and said he would be very happy to have a conversation with me. If he is willing to help me, let's find out. Hilary Clinton, Bill Clinton, and Evan metroplis, and John Daur who works with them would be willing, if we just ask. If we just ASK."

She ends the email with a battle-cry for the ages:

"So let's start now, rather than waste time. Do you agree? Because I'm doing it either way. The way of the future. Thank you for your time.
Your Entertainer, Lindsay Lohan"

Look, I'm the first one to chuckle at a good "Lindsay Lohan has lost her damn mind" story, but it's intervention time, me thinks. People in the know are speaking out about her drug use, which sounds less "smoke a joint with Paris in the back of an Escalade" and more "Elvis, three weeks before he croaked on the crapper."

So far one person has come forward with a plan for helping young Lindsay. Not Al Gore, but Lindsay's mom, Dina, who did the only thing she could think of in this dire situation: ran straight to Star magazine to talk about what a great mom she is.

We must save Lindsay Lohan, y'all! Our little Mean Girl needs us now more than ever. Who's with me?!

Ooh.. "A Charlie Brown Christmas" is on. She'll still be nuts tomorrow, right?