Goal: Listen to and review Taylor Hicks' new self-titled CD (which hit stores Tuesday) in 30 minutes. Or quicker, 'cause it's almost lunch time and Chris Meat Market is calling my name.

Background: Hicks, the Season Five "American Idol" champion, backed by his devoted Soul Patrol, recognizable by his grey hair, could potentially be the biggest male success story from the "Idol" franchise (sorry, Ruben). Or, Hicks could wind up in the same strange grey-area between musician and punchline where Clay Aiken lives.

Start Time: 11:48 a.m.

1. The Runaround: This is a brassy number, pretty standard pop fare with Taylor lamenting his love life. He gives and gives and gives. All he gets in return is the runaround. That's cold, Simon. Just cold.

2. Dream Myself Awake: This kinda sounds like "Crazy" from Aerosmith meets a James Blunt song. If you like that sorta thing ... well, then you're probably the kinda person who watches "American Idol."

3. Heaven Knows: Ohh, this starts out funky. It's another broken-heart song. Who knew 47-year-olds had such problems with love? Honestly, if Taylor had some more soul this wouldn't be a bad song, the music is cool.

4. Gonna Move: This is another quasi-funky pop thing where Taylor is telling some story about his childhood, way back like 63 years ago. Wait! Who the heck is writing this guy's lyrics? "Came to a school in the big city / looked around at the lights and I thought they were pretty / they told me and teached me to live by their rules / so I wouldn't be nobody's fool." Seriously? That's fourth grade! I expect better. How about: I saw a car and it was red / then I took a nap in my bed / I woke up and had a cookie / cuz I ain't nobody's rookie. Phewie!

5. Wherever I Lay My Hat: Marvin Gaye > "American Idol."

6. Give Me Tonight: He's trying to do the blue-eyed soul thing, as he confesses in this song. But this is not the way to do it. This is a cheesy dance-floor attempt that you could hear in any bar in any city in this country.

7. Just To Feel That Way: I guess Taylor finds some emotion here -- this is the "feeling" song, after all. That said, this album is really bland, really vanilla ... really boring.

8. The Maze: Musically, I can get with this. Vocally, not so much. If John Legend or Robin Thicke or someone who could really sing did this song, it would be nice. With Taylor, it's average at best.

9. Places I've Been: So this is the ballad. Had to know it was coming. But he just can't pull it off. He don't got the chops. I really just feel like I'm listening to karaoke on CD.

10. Soul Thing: Hicks wrote this one. One of two on the album. At least he's writing, I can applaud that. It's about how he's a 51-year-old journeyman or something like that. It's a little bluesy and a tad soulful. It's pretty good. He sounds more natural. Still no Michael McDonald, though.

11. The Deal: Sounds like the rest of them. Pouty love stuff, with some horns and a big hole where the soul should be.

12. The Right Place: Bryan Adams penned this one and it sounds like what you'd expect from Adams meeting Hicks. Vocally, Hicks lands somewhere between Adams and Ray Charles, and he sounds good there. Better than on, say, "Give Me Tonight." This one has some feeling in it, at least.

Final thoughts: Hicks doesn't have the soul to be as funky as he wants to be, nor does he have the voice to make the ballads that "Idol" fans would eat up. He's a good singer -- for a cover band somewhere. He's not some great vocalist who is going to change music. He's just some guy who got lucky and won a contest. If you're looking for blue-eyed soul, look elsewhere. Robin Thicke, perhaps. James Hunter. This is vanilla soul.

Best track(s): "Soul Thing" and "The Maze."

Finish time: 12:19 p.m. (Well, I was close).