Your Mom ... is not respected by the service industry
I'm a good son. I try to be, at least. It almost being Mother's Day and all, I was putting in some long-distance work this week to plan some fun for my mama back home in the Bay Area.
Mom wanted to go to one of those Mother's Day brunches at a hotel, so I thought of a hotel in our area that's part of a large chain. I remember going there for Mother's Day brunch once when I was like 12. Moms like to remember their kids when they were actually kids, so I figured this was perfect.
I called the hotel in question the other night. I didn't figure this would be a big deal. In fact, I threw some dinner in the oven and fired up Mario Kart in the Wii, thinking no way making a reservation would interfere.
I said it last week, and I'm saying it again: whenever the action of "The Office" ventures outside of Dunder Mifflin, the show suuuuuucks.
Case in point? Last night's episode "Job Fair." If it wasn't for Jim Halpert looking all cute in his golf hat, I would have switched over to C-SPAN, or something equally lively. There was just one highlight from the episode, and it was this:
Angela: Extension 128.
Creed: Hiya, Pumpkin, it's Creed. Say, we're gonna ditch this bitch. Are you in?
Angela: No.
Creed: Are you out? Pumpkin's out. Let's go, gang!
Staring contests are the coolest thing on the Internet or Have you ever wanted to look into Jessica Alba's eyes for 90 seconds?
Did you know that staring contests are like the coolest things on the Internets? Yeah, I know, the thumb-wrestling people are pretty bummed. But check it, it all started when Golden State Warriors basketball star Baron Davis challenged some Interweb dude named Kev Jumba to a staring contest. This video pretty much sums it up:
If you didn't watch because you're just waiting for the Jessica Alba part -- Jumba then issued a challenge to Alba. Apparently aside from being super hot and super pregnant, Jessica is also a super starer, as you can see in this video:
I had a blast last October when '60s Lemoore rockers The Brymers played their reunion show at a packed Hanford Civic Auditorium. The Brymers were among the hundreds of teen garage bands around the country in the mid-'60s who released one or two singles locally, had a big following in and around their region, and then disappeared -- only to be resurrected years later by zealous record collectors looking for great, raw, obscure rock'n'roll.
These days, high-profile garage festivals such as Cavestomp! in New York (which has rounded up ? and the Mysterians,The Remains,The Monks,The Standells,Richard & the Young Lions,The Chocolate Watchband and The Sonics) are populated by music fanatics and affected hipsters from around the world, many of whom were too young to have seen these bands in their day. However, this Brymers show was much more like what I imagined a mid-'60s show would have been -- lots of friends hanging out in a big room, socializing and dancing to good tunes. (Except that most of the people were much grayer and/or balder, teen dances didn't sell beer, and there were way too many Hawaiian shirts instead of the long-lost groovy threads of 1966.) It was a purely local experience, just as it was in '66, and a hell of a lot of fun.
So anyway, I had so much fun with your local garage legends that I thought I'd return the favor and tell y'all about a recent compilation of garage legends from my old part of the world.
Beehive Poll: Which notorious Valley white rapper guy is more lame?
Anytime I see "hip-hop" in a headline in The Bee's local section, you best believe I'm reading. Such was the case today, with "Hip-hop video played in pot trial."
Here are the basics: Two guys are up on federal drug charges involving a medical marijuana dispensary they ran in Modesto. In Wednesday's portion of the trial, happening at U.S. District Court in Fresno, prosecutors played a rap video from defendant Luke Scarmazzo. In the video, Scarmazzo flips off the camera and says some bad words directed at The Feds.
Much like I had to peep the story after reading headline, once I read the story, I had to find the video. I learned that dude raps under the name Kraz and the video in question -- "Business Man" -- depicts him in a courthouse. I learned that actual pictures like the one above are on his MySpace page. I learned he's been on "60 Minutes" to talk medical marijuana. Oh, and I learned that he's also one of worst rappers I've heard.
Seriously, folks, I think this guy is worse than K-Fed. In fact, I'm putting this up to a vote. Who's worse? Kraz or K-Fed? Check the videos after the jump, then leave a comment with your vote.
So, Donald, you're all done with your theater and arts reviews for the week. Where to now?
I'm going back to "Urinetown." Tonight, in fact.
I don't often make repeat visits to local theater productions, especially more than one time within a span of less than a week, but there are certain shows (especially well-loved musicals) for which I'll make an exception. And with a limited-run production such as Fresno State's "Urinetown," you can't dawdle. The university stages a musical just once every two years, so it's a special event. (You can check out my review here along with reader comments.)
Why go again? There's so much to take in the first time in a show such as this: the costumes, the lighting, the musical nuances, the special little touches. Also, I'm wishing pretty strongly that the sound design, which was the only major flaw on opening night, has gotten better. Wish me (and all those hard-working students and community members at Fresno State) luck. "Urinetown" plays just three more performances: 8 p.m. Thursday, Friday and Saturday. If you've got a musical-theater bone in your body, you won't want to miss it.
John Mayer sometimes has a hard time coming to terms with the fact that he's kinda douchey. As do we all.
However, he was good enough to send up his own rep in this high-larious Funny or Die video about what it takes to write a hit song. Be forewarned, though – BAD yet hilarious LANGUAGE ahead:
It's T minus 14 days until the release of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. If I wasn't already ridiculously excited about the movie, then this can of Dr. Pepper would have totally sealed the deal:
"With his fist!" Have you ever seen a more awesome promotion on a can of soda in your whole life? I don't even drink Dr. Pepper, but I had to have this.
My hat's off to you, marketing geniuses. Nicely played.
Fres-Know: We've got all the proper blog licenses and permits
News you should know, echoes from the blogsphere and so on:
HOW YOU LIKE THEM APPLES?: The biggest difference between the Fresno sports media and the Boston sports media? In Boston, there are numerous blogs watching your every move. In Fresno, there's only "Famous Guest." Right, Heidi? [Deadspin]
OOPS:Ray Appleton's motorcycle was seized after he was pulled over and found to be riding without a license. "I just plain dropped the load in my aging brain cells," Appleton said. Uhhh ... that's what she said? No? OK, I have no clue what he's talking about. [The Bee]
Here are some snippets of songs from Michael Bublé's concert Tuesday night at Save Mart Center. If you haven't read the various reviews or added your own yet, head over here.
A couple other videos I found on YouTube are after the break ...
Wednesday was both a good day and a bad day for our Bring Barry Zito to Fresno campaign. You see, the Giants fibbed on that sending-him-to-the-bullpen thing. Maybe he became bros down there with Brian Wilson (them both being beach boys and all), but that's it. The Giants stuck Zito back in the starting rotation for Wednesday's game against the always-lowly Pittsburg Pirates.
The upshot? Zito didn't do half bad. The Giants lost 3-1 and Zito took the L, knocking him to 0-7. Let's examine the ramifications that had on our Bring Zito to Fresnomovement.
Bad: Zito gave up only five hits and equaled that in strikeouts. And the two runs he submitted came on a homer, so you could make the case Zito didn't pitch too bad at all.
Good: Zito is still 0-7 and that's still the worst mark in the league -- by far. His ERA is still at 6.95 and the only way he's seeing 90 MPH anytime soon is if it's in Hilary Duff's Benz.
Fresno? It doesn't look likely in the immediate future. Fact is that after the way he's been rocked this season, yesterday's loss is a mini-victory in Zito Land. Oh well, we still have Zabka.
When the Mingling Moms, a networking group based out of Long Island, NY, celebrated the top 20 Long Island mothers of celebrities earlier this week, of course they wanted some press. Their "Girls Night Out" party held Tuesday was to bring moms together for fun, and also to raise money for breast cancer research. What better way to get press than to involve celebrities, right?
Of course, no Long Island mother can generate press better than Dina Lohan, the mother of upstanding citizen Lindsay Lohan, who this week has been accused of stealing another woman's fur coat (two offenses, if you ask some) and who got a little too close for comfort with Nicole Richie's baby daddy, Joel Madden, at a Cinco de Mayo party Monday.
Can "American Idol" producers show us some mercy by axing a week out of this sorry season and just give us the David vs. David finale? Now that Jason Castro split the scene Wednesday -- after nearly 51 million votes were cast -- it seems only fitting to cut to the chase.
That means Syesha Mercado misses out but, really, she's not going to be in the Top 2 ... and, if she is, it will just stamp Season 7 as a bona fide bomb. No, everyone wants the D. Cook and D. Archuleta Show, hoping it can rival Season 2's showdown between Ruben Studdard and Clay Aiken.
As for Jason, I give him props for being the nearest thing to an amateur this year. Early on, he exuded charm as a young John Travolta look-alike with an endearing awkwardness. (And I had to chuckle Wednesday when Jason, asked what his biggest obstacle was to overcome this season, replied "the brain being dead.") His act, however, wore thin as he showed no progress and seemed happy just to be hanging around (thanks to ample support from teenybopper votes). Too often, he rivaled Sanjaya for sheer melodic atrociousness.
At the end, even Jason seemed to know the gig was up. He said his "inexperience" led to his exit. Probably. But, in this tepid and shaky season of AI, his goofy ineptitude at least provided some wacky water cooler chats.
UPDATE: Donald Munro shares his farewell to Jason.
Some things never change: The sun sets in the west. Food from McDonald's tastes worse an hour after you eat it. When Annie sings "Tomorrow," her side-stretched hand will sweep to the sky, and she will end the song in a spectacular, note-crashing climax so inspirational you'll want to rush out and invent some sort of new vaccine.
I like the fact that "Annie" is predictably cheery. There are certain things that just seem right in this happy-go-perky musical: the cute dog; the evil Miss Hannigan; the eternal optimism of the orphans even when Annie gets picked to go live with the rich guy. The national touring production that opened Tuesday night at the Saroyan (and continues 7:30 p.m. Wednesday night for one more performance) might not be the snazziest or most cutting-edge touring musical of the year, but it knows how to get its happy job done.
The 10-year-old Amanda Balon (who has been performing since the age of 2, according to the program notes, and has her own Web site), who plays the demanding role of Annie, has a strong voice and a sassy personality. I think one test of playing Annie well is the ability to pull off the "I love you" scene with Daddy Warbucks in a heartfelt way that is neither too flippant nor too goopy. Scrappy and equipped with a powerful set of lungs, the young Amanda has no problems carrying a two and a half hour musical.
This is the problem Clinton, Obama and McCain should address
Forget the high prices of gas. Forget the increase in student fees. Forget that the voting on “American Idol” is all wrong. There is a much bigger problem facing this country. Not since Roseanne Barr grabbed herself and spit while while singing the National Anthem has there been such a blight on this once proud landscape.
And this problem is growing. It has gone from a few small incidents to being almost universal. You can’t drive down the street without running into it.
The problem is a lack of common courtesy. There was a time when most people where civil to each other. Now it is all men and women for themselves. Who cares if the light has been red for five minutes? Go on through. Lines at the checkout counters are only suggestions. Go ahead and get in front of the crowd.
There is no place on this great green planet where there is so little lack of common courtesy than at the grocery store.
On Monday, Rick Bentley wrote about "P.S. I Love You" coming out on DVD this week. Here's my advice: Don't rent it. Don't NetFlix it. Don't think to yourself, "Oh, I guess I'll TiVo it when it gets to HBO." Trust me, stay away.
I saw this in the theater over New Years with my aunt and grandmother in Tampa because "Charlie Wilson's War" and "Sweeney Todd" fell at later times than my aunt and grandmother could either be out at night or stay awake. So, we caught a 4:45 p.m. showing of what turned out to be the worst movie of 2007. Now, granted, I saw maybe 10 movies last year (favorites were "Enchanted" and "Grindhouse," btw), so my frame of reference may be off, but I've seen enough movies in my life to say this was a stinker.
Here's my biggest beef with this rom-dram about a widow trying to move on with her life: the audience never gets to move on. We first meet Hilary Swank (funnier and cuter than expected) and Gerard Butler (yes, there's no plot stupid enough to tarnish his sexiness) before the opening credits. It's a longish scene in which they argue over inane things like a clean apartment (if my details are off, please excuse me -- I've tried to block it out). But it's a very sweet scene that ends with them about to, you know.
But then, and I guess I missed the title card that said a number of months later, we're at a memorial service in an Irish bar. You see, Gerard Butler died. And this scene goes on way too long. And the same goes for Hilary's ensuing depression. And I'm OK with all of this until she starts having flashbacks. Oh, it's the flashbacks that proved to be the bane of my moviegoing existence for the next hour and a half.
Suicidal Kermit the Frog: The most depressing thing ever?
I love Wes Anderson. I love Elliott Smith. I love Kermit the Frog. And I love YouTube. Put together, though, these four awesome entities make me want to spend a weekend curled up in the bathtub, weeping.
If you've seen The Royal Tenenbaums, you'll recognize the following video as Kermit's recreation of the scene during which (spoiler!) Richie slits his wrists to the Elliott Smith song "Needle in the Hay." Elliott Smith actually did commit suicide (allegedly), and Kermit has always been a little bluegreendepressed, so the sadness factor is even further compounded:
So sad. And yet, a suicidal Muppet? Still cute as a button!
I don't really want to sit back and laugh at Amy Winehouse. Really. She's obviously sick and needs help, and it's hard to laugh at someone when they're this far gone.
So, I'm not going to laugh. I'm simply going to post this picture and then back away slowly and quietly.
**UPDATE** Amy was arrested today for alleged "drug offenses" in connection with a video released in January that shows her smoking crack. The British court seems pretty relaxed about their drug laws - Pete Doherty was arrested how many times before he finally was incarcerated? - so expect Amy back out on the street and terrorizing neighborhood gardens in no time.
Harlow Madden is over it
Your Mom ... is not respected by the service industry
Anytime I see "hip-hop" in a headline in The Bee's local section, you best believe I'm reading. Such was the case today, with 
Rhymes with P, and that stands for Urinetown
This is the problem Clinton, Obama and McCain should address
The worst movie of 2007
